I try to be mellow most (okay, some) of the time, but even I have my limits, and lately it feels like I get pushed there more and more, so it’s time to vent about some of the things that piss me off!
1. One of my biggest pet peeves lately are self-checkout lines at the grocery store, Home Depot, and every place else. Half the time I can’t figure them out, and the rest of the time they don’t work anyway. Instead of having that young lady standing by at every other self-checkout lane to come and help me out when I get stuck, why don’t they just put her behind a cash register and let me pay for my stuff and leave? When I go to a store to spend my hard earned money, I don’t want to have to ring up my own stuff. I want somebody to do it for me, then take my money and tell me to have a nice day.
2. I hate it when we go to a buffet restaurant, and the person at the cash register asks me if I get the senior discount. Please don’t make me choose between vanity and frugalness. If I look old enough to qualify for the discount, just give it to me. Otherwise you’ll just waste my time if I am, or insult me if I’m not and you think I look that old!
3. The post office is one of my greatest sources of frustration. Why are they always understaffed? Why does one window clerk always close up just as I get to the front of the line and think I’m finally next? The people who really tick me off at the post office are the little old ladies who want to look at the pictures on every postage stamp in the inventory before they decide which ones to buy. Hey, Grannie, it’s not artwork, it’s a stamp! You’re not going to hang it on the wall and admire it for the next decade. You’re just going to stick it on an envelope and drop it in a mailbox!
4. I hate Mormon missionaries and Jehovah Witnesses who come knocking on my door when the blinds are closed. Those blinds are closed for a reason. Leave me alone! I might be busy reading my bible. Or I might be busy getting lucky. Whatever I’m doing, I don’t want to be interrupted, and I don’t want to talk about it with you! Go away!
5. Physical fitness nuts bother me almost as much as religious nuts. I know I’m out of shape. I spent a lot of time and money getting this way. Stop encouraging me to diet and get into shape. Round is a shape! And don’t tell me it’s for my health! You keep that up and some fat guy like me might get fed up and shoot you, and that would be bad for your health!
6. People who want to impose their religion and their sense of morality on the rest of the world get to me. If you want to go to church on Sunday morning, and it fulfills you, I’m happy for you. If you want to walk around the desert in a loincloth and worship a rock, that’s fine too. Just don’t insist that I worship the same rock that you do. It’s none of my business if you sleep with men, women, or gerbils, as long as you do it behind closed doors and don’t bother me. A lot of the self-righteous, holier than thou types I know are going to be in a lot of trouble if Judgment Day comes and they find out that God is a black, Jewish lesbian!
7. Are you as sick and tired as I am of those Save The Children type television commercials? They’ve been showing me that same little snotty nosed kid named Maria or whatever for the last fifteen years. By now Maria has either grown up and become some drug lord’s main squeeze, or she has slipped over the border and is running an illegal daycare in the apartment next door, hosting an entire platoon of snotty nosed kids. I’m sorry that Maria lives in a cesspool, but I can’t save the entire world, so stop trying to make me feel like I should. I have enough guilt to live with after that stuff I said about Mormon missionaries and Jehovah Witnesses. I don’t need any more.
8. Reality television shows have no basis in reality at all. They are beyond stupid. Even somebody who just had a lobotomy would find them boring. Stop taking off good comedy and drama television shows to give me more “reality programming!” I watch TV to escape reality!
9. When some rude idiot pulls up beside you in traffic with one of those obnoxiously loud stereos that go BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, and shake the fillings out of your teeth, am I the only one who wants to stick something in their window that goes boom too? Okay, I really wouldn’t go that far, but I’d love to have one of those handheld emergency fog horns that boaters use, and stick that in their ear and blow them into the middle of next week. I hate noise pollution!
10. Last, but certainly not least, are the people who blame the current President for everything wrong in society, or those folks on the other side of the issues, who blame the last President for the same things. We didn’t get into this mess in the last year, or even in the last eight years. But until we all stop throwing rocks across party lines and realize we have problems, and start compromising and working together to solve them, things will only get worse. Hey kids, the house is on fire! Let’s put out the damned blaze first, and then we’ll decide who was playing with matches!
Of course, all of these things have one common denominator – stupid people. I don’t know if it’s something in the water, or the result of watching too much reality TV, but we really seem to be awash in idiots lately, and they’re breeding like flies.
I know you can’t fix stupid, but don’t you think that every once in a while, you should at least be allowed to grab it by the throat and choke the living crap out of it?
Tags: bible, black, buffet restaurant, cash register, drug lord, emergency fog horns, Home Depot, illegal daycare, Jehovah Witnesses, Jewish, lesbian, lobotomy, loud stereos, mailbox, morality, Mormon missionaries, noise pollution, Physical fitness nuts, post office, postage stamp, Reality television shows, religion, religious nuts, Save The Children, self-checkout lines at the grocery store, senior discount, stupid people, television commercials