What can I say? Just open any newspaper, they’re everywhere!

Police in Daytona Beach, Florida report that Melanese Asia Reid became upset with the service at a Wendy’s drive-thru lane, so she and friend Katrina Mari-Alyce Bryant went into the restaurant, where Reid, with a pink stun gun in her hand, chased an employee. Bryant cheered her friend on as she terrified the restaurant employee. The women left the restaurant when a manager told them he was calling the police. Not content to let it drop there, the brainiac later called the restaurant to complain about their service, allowing police to track the call and arrest her on charges of assault with a deadly weapon. Bryant was charged with being a principal to aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. 

An Alabama high school teacher drew the attention of the Secret Service when he explained a geometry lesson on parallel lines and angles by telling students where to stand and aim their gun if they were going to assassinate President Barack Obama. An agent from the Birmingham Secret Service office interviewed the teacher, whose name has not been released, and decided that he was not a credible threat to the President, and the case was closed. School Superintendent Phil Hammonds said school officials would have a “long talk” with the teacher about what was appropriate in a classroom. I wonder if the home economics class is making KKK robes and hoods out of sheets as part of a class project.

Is there something in the water down south that leads to stupidity? A restaurant waitress complained on her Facebook page about a couple who sat at her table for three hours, and then left her a measly $5 tip. The rant included the name of the restaurant she was employed at. A few days later 22 year old Ashley Johnson received notice that she was being fired for violating company policy banning workers from speaking badly about customers or putting the restaurant in a bad public position.

Of course, the South doesn’t have a monopoly on idiots. Take for example 19 year old Nicole April Kelly of Philadelphia, who was under arrest in Juniata County and waiting to be extradited to another county to face charges, when she escaped from deputies. She ran inside the Brown Funeral Home and hid inside a coffin, where the funeral director found her and called police. Now she has additional charges of escape, and was being held on $75,000 bail, as well as owing restitution to the funeral home for damage to the coffin. That’s just weird.

Out west, a couple of real winners were arrested in Pueblo, Colorado after they used an 18-pack of beer to rob a convenience store. Police said that the men stole three cases of Bud Light, and hit a clerk with one of them during the robbery. Police tracked the thieves to a nearby house, where they found them and the stolen beer.

Other countries also have their fair share of Dumb A$$es. Musician Tom Kaulitz told a German newspaper that he fell ill after overdosing on Viagra tablets and “could not see straight” for days. Kaulitz said that he took one Viagra, and then “I popped a few more pills, probably too many. The next morning my head was pounding and everything in front of my eyes was blurry. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was pretty bad.” He said it took two days for the medicine’s effects to wear off. My Dad told me that doing that would make me go blind, and I guess the old man was right!

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11 Comments on Dumb A$$ Report

  1. Connie Braidh says:

    Actions speak louder than words. Their actions show us their level of intelligence as well as their common sense quotient. Not much!!!

  2. Jerry and Suzy says:

    Nick, you gave us a good laugh this morning — especially your final report! When we were kids, we were told that hair would grow in the palms of our hands “if we did that.” Every boy in the room quickly raised his hand and took a quick look, then realized they had just given themsleves away! Are we all Dumba$$es at one time or another?

  3. Dave B. says:

    The one about President Obama rally upsets me! I realize that not every one voted for the guy or likes what he is doing in office, but give me a break. This teacher should have been fired or at least suspended for saying that to youth. Teachers are suppose to be professionals but this is anything but professional. The teachers should keep their politics out of the class room and in this case the sick ideas to them self. It just goes to prove that not every teacher is a good teacher. They never want to admit that, but it is true in every profession, teaching included! Excuse me, we’re suppose to call them educators not teachers!

  4. LR says:

    These posts always give me a good laugh. You’ll NEVER run out of material!!

  5. Carey McConnell says:

    With half the population of the US at 100 IQ or less, you will definitely never run out of material. Now, if we could just get them out of congress!

  6. Thomas Kilpatrick says:

    While I have absolutely no use for Obama and I think he is the worst thing to ever happen to this country, I think the Georgia school teacher should have been fired on the spot. We have eight year old kids being expelled for bringing tiny toy plastic Lego guns to school, and they let this idiot talk about assassinating the President???? So much for Zero Tolerance! How about Zero Brains???

  7. Susan Hornak says:

    I agree with Thomas and Dave, this teacher needs to be fired. No matter what your politics are, this was in terrible taste and shows absolutely poor judgement on his part.

  8. Kenneth says:

    Thanks Nick for casting a negative light on Alabama.
    I live here and voted for President Obama.
    Thanks for holding us up for ridicule again.
    The KKK comment was uncalled for.
    Idiots are in every state so please do not make yourself feel superior by casting another shadow on our state.
    The idiots are in the minority even if they do vote for the TEA party.

  9. Richard says:

    Don’t kill the messenger. Nick reported an item in the news. He didn’t hire the teacher and he didn’t make the decision not to fire him. The fact is that it happened in Alabama is just that, a fact. As for his Kkk comment, lighten up. My first thought, even before I got to Nick’s comment, was to wonder if the shop class was building crosses.

    By the way, I was born and raised in Birmingham and live in Summerdale. And while I did not vote for Obama, I have come to respect him, and I found the teacher’s actions disgusting.

  10. Susan Hornak says:

    Update: A news report just said that the teacher, Gregory Harrison, is on paid leave and faces possible termination after a national outcry over his actions.

  11. Kenneth says:

    Thank the good lord.
    He showed very poor judgment.
    I hope this can be put to rest soon.

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