I think Shakespeare had it right when he wrote “the first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” We might all be a lot better off. Every time I turn on the TV, some ambulance chaser is urging me to sue somebody for something.

I mean, really, is it McDonald’s fault that I’m so fat? Did that goofy clown hold a gun on me and force me to eat that double order of French fries? If I stick a hot cup of coffee between my legs and spill it while I’m driving down the road texting, is Starbucks responsible for my burned willy?

I don’t think so, but a legion of legal beagles would disagree. I once tripped over my own shoelace while running across a parking lot in the pouring rain, trying to get into a restaurant. Before I could pick myself up and get inside, an attorney who was dining there and saw the episode was sticking a business card in my face and loudly telling the restaurant owner that he was my representative and that I was obviously injured due to his lack of concern for his customers’ safety. I told him I fell due to my own clumsiness, and the only injury I had suffered was to my ego, but he wouldn’t hear any of that nonsense. Somebody had to pay! I finally had to tell him about the injuries he was about to suffer to get him to back off.

These shysters are everywhere, and these days justice has less to do with reality and more to do with who has the deepest pockets, and how far we can reach into them.

Consider the case of illegal immigrant Cecil Harvey, from Barbados. Harvey was arrested over and over again for a series of crimes, and eventually deported. But when some sleazy lawyer sued the City of New York on Harvey’s behalf, because it was determined that he had been in jail for about a month longer than the law permitted, the case was settled out of court for $145,000. Now that’s a nice going away gift, isn’t it?

Or how about George Black, who was playing softball when the sun blinded him while attempting to catch a ball. It hit him in the face, breaking his glasses and causing an injury to his eye. Black sued the owner of the field where the game was played, because there was no kind of shade to block the sun. Why do the courts even accept cases like this?

Then we have Melanie Shaker, who is suing a Chicago hair salon. Not because of a bad haircut, or a bad dye job. No, after dinner and drinks at a nearby restaurant, Ms. Shaker got into an argument with her husband on the sidewalk outside of the salon, and while attempting to kick him, she fell through the plate glass window and suffered cuts on her arm, back, and feet. Her lawsuit claims that the salon was negligent in not having safety glass in case of an accident like hers, since the sidewalk is “frequently traveled by intoxicated pedestrians.” Apparently hoping for a “two-fer,” Shaker is also reported to be suing the hospital where her injuries were treated, claiming that an employee stole her jewelry and Blackberry phone.

Jo Ann Fonzone, who has a law degree from Western State University in Fullerton, California, has filed nearly two dozen lawsuits against people like MTV’s Judy McGrath and Hollywood executive Cary Woods, both of whom she has accused of identity theft. Fonzone has also filed multiple lawsuits over the last four years in her effort to divorce rock singer David Lee Roth, in spite of the fact that there is no proof that they were ever married, or have even met. 

Of course, some judges are just as bad as lawyers. In fact, most of them used to be lawyers! So is it poetic justice that a drunk driver recently crashed into the car of a retired Maryland judge who released him on charges of DUI back in 1998, even after he had been arrested on drunk driving charges twice in just three months and pled guilty?

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13 Comments on Justice Isn’t Just Blind, She’s Stupid Too!

  1. Darrell says:

    I once saw a book entitled, “One Hundred Dead Lawyers And Other Pleasant Thoughts!” Then there’s the old riddle – “What would you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?” “A good start!” I agree with you that the legal system has gone awry. On top of all of that, most politicians are lawyers; any wonder that Washington is all screwed up?

  2. Joe says:

    Why are laws written in such a manner that we need lawyers? Because they are written by lawyers! I agree with Shakespeare, kill them all!

  3. Dave B. says:

    These are all weird instances, not the norm. Unfortunately our system does not separate the weird ones from the legitimate cases. This is so everyone gets a voice in our legal system. It’s better than other countries where you are not allowed to seek justice or reimbursement for yourself. What we don’t hear is how many of these ridiculous cases are just tossed out! I’ll still take our system over all of the others. Just laugh at the weirdo’s and realize that most never get a penny anyhow.

  4. I’m with Dave B. There will always be slime-balls on the fringes of any field of endeavor that try to take advantage of a situation.

    As Dave said, just laugh at the weirdos and be thankful that there is a decent legal system (and competent, ethical lawyers) in place to protect you when you actually do need it.

  5. Dale says:

    Most troubles with harmful lawsuits started when lawyers were permitted to start advertising in the 1970’s. Used to be a lawyer’s word to another lawyer was as good as gold. Used to be that attorneys could write coherently. That was before the law schools started admitting too many students so they all started looking for ways to make a living.

    A good legal secretary earns more than many attorneys out there today. That says a lot.

    I agree with Dave B. Despite the crazies, I’ll take our system any day. Although unnecessarily used far too often and for the wrong reasons, it does protect the public from unscrupulous corporations and/or product designs and manufacture.

    Our system needs tweaking without a doubt. And yes, the crazies do lose. It would be nice if there were a better way to handle this so the courts would not be so clogged up, but it’s still the best there is.

    Even with all its problems, I’ll take America every day.

  6. Linda says:

    The world is full of ding-dongs. And it seems a lot of them turn up in court sooner or later.

  7. John McBeath says:

    Eight years ago I failed to see an oncoming truck at an intersection and pulled out right in front of him. there was no time for him to stop and my car was broadsided Unfortunately my wife died in the accident. I could not believe the number of calls I subsequently got from lawyers. I would tell them that the accident was clearly my fault, but they would reply that if they dug deep enough they could probably find some basis for a suit–expired license, overloaded truck, unsafe truck, etc, etc. AFTER ALL, MY WIFE WAS KILLED, SO I SHOULD SUE. WHAT A BUNCH OF SHYSTERS!!!!

  8. Connie Braidh says:

    Dear John,
    What an awful aftermath to loosing your wife. To have lawyers hound you was clearly well, rude. I, too, don’t like the ambulance chasers.
    BUT we have a wonderful family lawyer who only does family law. He said he hates the problems with civil & criminal court. He actually went into law to HELP people. And he’s wonderful. He set up our trusts and gives us advice when needed. And yes, he charges for his time but he should as we are using his business and him to help arrange our lives and finances.
    So I say only send 99% to the bottom of the sea. Let’s keep the good guys.

  9. Barbara says:

    When my husband was killed in a car accident it took four years for a lawyer to do nothing. He said if I switched then I had to pay him. I had no money so I put up with it until I met a guy that sent me to a personal injury lawyer and with in a year it was settled. The old lawyer charged me $32,000 for nothing but grief. Their comment was insurance companies love it when a person dies. I HATE lawyers and I get close to a heart attach when I have to think about even calling a lawyer. If it was legal I would shoot every one of them.

  10. Jim@HiTek says:

    I noticed you list several examples but you don’t list the outcomes of those seemingly frivolous lawsuits. What I’ve read over and over is that 99.9% of those suits end in a judgment AGAINST the person bringing the suit. Those of us who insist that our system is broken often don’t even know this.

    There’s abuse no matter what system is used, we all know that. I’ll reserve judgment ‘against’ ours until I see facts proving it’s totally broken, not just a rehash of often repeated abuses, like the women who sued McD’s over hot coffee. (I read the transcripts and McD’s deserved to be sued, they’d had hundreds of complaints).

    BTW, I’m not a lawyer, don’t know any lawyers either.

    @John, Really sorry that happened to you. Those Aholes have no conscience.

    @Barbara, Also very sorry that happened to you. But I’m wondering if there wasn’t something your 2nd lawyer couldn’t have done…I’ve had a friend experience that same thing AND find a way to get the incompetent lawyer to back off.

  11. Stu McNicol says:

    Let’s adopt the system of “loser pays” Much of the frivolous will disappear.

  12. ken t says:

    Jim: we all read the transcripts and I for one don’t understant
    how you can say Mc’D was in any way responsible for her stupidity. When we order a cup of coffee we know it will be hot!
    We should also know that the cup it’s in will be flimsey with a
    lackluster fitting lid,thats a given.So now we are going to clutch it in a bear hug between our legs near our privat parts!
    and hope everything works out OK . Come on, use your head people, Kenny T
    The Government is not looking out for you!

  13. Allan says:

    So many people are trying to get something for nothing and they are being encouraged by the ambulance chasers. What happened to the work ethic? If you want money- go out and earn it legally. Many people want to have others pay their way in life. Unfortunately some congressmen believe this also.

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