As most of you know, when it comes to politicians, I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy. I don’t like any of them, Republican or Democrat. You can take a pile of dog doo doo and wrap it in any kind of cover you want, but inside it’s still crap, and sooner or later (usually sooner) the stench comes out. Politicians are about the same, except I’d rather find a pile of the first than to find one of the latter standing on my doorstep. It’s easier to clean up than what a politician leaves behind.

Let’s face it, no matter what party they belong to, none of them really do anything they promise to when they are campaigning. The day they are sworn into office, they  forget all about the voters, and it’s business as usual.

So I got to thinking – we don’t need a Democrat or a Republican as President, nor a conservative or a liberal. What we really need in the Oval Office is a Bubba! That’s right, a redneck!

Think about it – rednecks are about the most honest people you’ll ever meet, because they don’t really give a damn what you think of them. So Bubba won’t glad hand you, and promise you the world just to make you like him. Instead, he’ll look you in the eye and tell you that if you can’t find a job, or your kid’s a loser, or you feel discriminated against because your great great grandfather three times removed was a failed swap meet vendor in Boll Weevil, Arkansas, you need to stand up on your hind legs, put on your big girl panties, and deal with it.

If your barn burns down, Bubba and the boys will come over and help you build a new one, but he doesn’t think it’s his and my responsibility do build it for you, while you sit on the porch and watch.

Rednecks don’t back down when pushed, they stand their ground and push back. Bubba won’t blow smoke up your butt to try to get along, but if you piss him off, he might spit tobacco juice in your eye. I think we need a leader like that right about now.

Bubba believes that if you can’t run with the big dogs, you need to stay on the porch. The Third World leaders who want to dictate our foreign policy to us need to have a sit down with Bubba. Give him fifteen minutes and he’ll teach them a thing or two about respect.

Bubba may invite you to be his guest and break bread with him on Sunday, but don’t walk into his barnyard uninvited, kill one of his chickens, and expect him to cook it for you. Bubba respects private property, and he expects you to respect it too. He won’t trespass on your land, and if you trespass on his, he’ll fill your rear end with rock salt and send you back where you came from.

If we had a House and Senate full of Bubbas, instead of the fools and snakes we have there now, things would get done for a change. Sure, they’ll feud among themselves a bit, and they might grab a couple of jack handles and step out back to settle an argument, but they damn sure won’t talk it to death.

Bubba has a sense of right and wrong. He doesn’t believe that you’re sick if you like touching little kids, or forcing yourself on women, he believes you’re a pervert. And he knows how to deal with perverts. Bubba has a twelve gauge, a noose, and a Buck knife. Which one do you want?

Most rednecks I’ve known are pretty easy going, but they don’t like bullies. So if you want to snatch an old ladies purse, or hijack somebody’s pickup, and hurt them in the process, Bubba thinks you need to do some suffering of your own. No comfortable cells for you, no rehabilitation, and no conjugal visits. Bubba will put your sorry hide on a chain gang busting rocks in the hot sun. He knows it won’t kill you, because he’s worked in the hot sun all of his life, and it made him a better man.

If you’re a drug lord on the border, or a warlord in some flea bitten camel lot, don’t take one of our people hostage or harm a hair on their head, because Bubba won’t send a “peace envoy” to negotiate with you. Instead, Bubba will call a bunch of his kinfolk together, drive his four wheel Ford across your yard, and open up a can of whoop ass that you’ll remember for the few short minutes of life you have left. Bubba understands that dying for whatever you believe in is an honor, and he wants to help you reach your goal a little bit faster.

Yeah, I’ve given it a lot of thought. We all need to vote for Bubba next election!

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30 Comments on Bubba For President!

  1. Jerry Ray says:

    Hey Nick, Can we make Bubba a write in Candidate???

  2. Not an RVer says:

    You have such a way with words, Nick. Bubba doesn’t get elected because he doesn’t have a bunch of rich friends or rich companies that think he can do something for them. We’re screwed.

  3. Donald E. Huff says:

    We were fortunate enough to meet one “Bubba” that ran for President a few years ago. His name was Senator Barry Goldwater. He was tough as nails & told his constituents exactly the way it is. He had the same phylosophy up until the day he died. If only he could have been elected. I think our country would have been a lot better off than it is today. But, because he didn’t have the “powers at be” in his pocket, he lost the election. There has never been a “Bubba” since Goldwater.

  4. Chris says:

    Bubba would do great on the home front but I’m afraid we would be in many wars with his philosophy on foreign relations.
    Well written, Nick, and amusing to boot!You jump started my very early Sat. and you and I both know we DON’T DO EARLY well…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  5. Thanks Nick for getting my day off to a wonderful start with one of best chuckles I have experienced in a long time. You sure have a nack for hitting the nail on the head when it comes to telling like it really is.!
    Your my “Mark Twain” of this century.

  6. Bubba would need cases and cases of Whoop Ass to clean up the mess in Washington, but he’d Git R Done!!! Bubba For President, I approve of this message!!!

  7. Bob Derivan says:

    I agree with all you’ve said about Bubba, Nick but disagree with Chris. Remember the school yard bully? He’ll push everyone around until someone stands up to him and puts him in his place. Once done, the bulling stops. That goes for his buddies too. When they know they can’t get away with it, it stops. Same with the bullies of the world. Strength prevents bulling. Bubba for President !!

  8. Ed Hackenbruch says:

    Bubba kinda sounds like Sheriff Joe.

  9. bob miller says:

    Bubba would be 1000% better than the people that are there now including the comander in chief.

  10. bob miller says:

    Sorry I missed a M

  11. Amen to all of the above! If it were only possible.

  12. Elaine & Mike says:

    Bubba has our votes

  13. MikeL says:

    Right on Nick for President.

  14. Nina Seibel says:

    Nick, that was a great one. You did a good job writing. Keep up the good work. I read your comments each day. Nina

  15. Dave B. says:

    Problem is, will Bubba change his idealistic ideas once in office? A lot of local Bubbas once elected have changed into something worse. Only their relatives got the public jobs. They seem to get special free meals at the local restaurants. Their property taxes are lower. You get the idea. A Bubba can be just as bad, if not worse. It’s fun to imagine any how.

  16. Nick you made my day as always…I agree with you 100000000%
    Your my “Mark Twain” of the 21st century.
    Lets Vote em all out & get er Done right this time !

  17. Linda Sand says:

    Paul Wellstone was a Bubba in that he believed ordinary people were the most important ones. I wish he never got on that fatal plane. I’d love to have had him for president.

    I’d also vote for Sheriff Joe.

  18. Rob Fox says:

    Bubba for president! Nick, you make me grin. The world is a happier place with the likes of you.

    But it is important for America to get serious and act. We are living in a time of enormous change. A time for America that could be on par with the events culminating in 1776. The nation stands at a crossroads and it is time to have some good map readers in place.

    Reading the text if the Declaration of Independence, you will be reminded that, the nation was compelled to move against a King that did not seem to be acting in the best interests of the people. A king that was more interested in his power, wealth and war chest that the well being of the citizens. The actions of free men are inevitable once they realise they are being shackled.

    In America today, just as it was back then. There are powers that wish to shackle the nation for their own self interest. They do not care about “America”, or any nation. They care only about their own power and wealth; their empire. They will do anything to advance and to hell with anyone else. Who are these people? You might see them starting out as the bullies on the school bus. You will find them in supervisory positions in towns across the nation (Bell – California, Newark – New Jersey). They are in your churches. You will find them in executive position in major corporations and most certainly in big banks. They are in every local, state and national government. They line their pockets at your expense.

    The events of the past has shown that, by coming together and working as one, the shackles of tyranny can be thrown off. It’s time for slumbering America to wake up and act together and as one. To start rebuilding this great nation and once again have a government of the people, by the people, for the people.

    This danger is not a partisan thing. You will find these people on both sides of the isle. Both left and right are manipulated to neuter the effectiveness of your government. To stop it working in your best interest.

    Back to Bubba …….. he has many great qualities but it will take people with his roots and and the intellect of MIT or Harvard graduates to defeat the forces that would enslave us.

    It’s time for the people to revolt. (in a 21st century way)

    Heavy, I know. I’m just glad there are a few Nicks around!

  19. Gina Ellis says:

    I’d vote for any of the three of you: Bubba, Sheriff Joe, or Nick.

  20. PalmsRV says:

    And his sister can be the First Lady!

  21. Paul Stough says:

    Every politician was elected by a majority of the people who voted.

    The problem is not the politicians, but the system. Until the system is changed, changing politicians wont do much good.

    And as long as vote apathy continues the way it is, nothing will change.

    But if I could pick one “Bubba” to run the country, it would be Teddy Roosevelt.

  22. Dave C. says:

    I’m with Linda on this one. I also would vote for Sheriff Joe.


  23. ken t says:

    We need Sheriff Joe right where he is! However this One youall are calling Bubba is alive and kicking down in Mississippi they call him Mr Barber I’ll vote for him!and he will whip some ass.
    Ken T

  24. ken t says:

    That’s Bubba spelled Haley Barbour!!!! Ken T

  25. Kenneth says:

    We had Bubba and people did like President Carter.
    They don’t forget the people they just can’t do what they promised in the first place.
    It isn’t a matter of party it’s a matter of money and power and who has it.

  26. Paul Stough says:

    Sounds like many of you would support a benevolent dictator.

  27. T & R Martin says:

    I agree, we need a Bubba as Preident.
    Right now I am feeling sad & angry because I just discovered an RV blogger who was in Pismo beach w/her busband was deliberately run down as they were taking their daily walk. They were killed by a 19 yr. old named Jerardo Iriarte hell-bent on committing suicide. Police are calling it a homicide. Perhaps you may know their RV blog: “MARGIE & BRUCE” I read it every day and they were both a treasure. Two good, decent human beings are gone & left a gigantic hole. Nick, we wish you and Ms. Terry the very best & please take good care of yourselves.
    Thanks for all the great info you provide us in your blogs.

  28. Allan says:

    I wouldn’t support a dictator but I would support a real leader that would work toward helping the USA get back to the values on which it was established. We need employers and employees both to be able to prosper. We don’t need a socialistic government that rewards people for not working and penalizes people and companies that earn their incomes. We need to be able secure our own borders, work with other countries but not be controlled by them and live within our means without increasing taxes. I believe it can be done.

  29. Orv Hazelton says:

    Terry Russell for President. . . Nick for Vice! Yaaa Buddy!!

  30. Howdy Bad Nick,
    I KNEW WHEN WE LET HALLIBURTON TAKE OVER THE OVAL OFFICE WE WERE IN ONE MELL-OF-A-HESS..Little George didn’t have enough clout to push back and ol’ Chaney took over…
    I’m from the ‘oil-patch’ and we don’t trust Halliburton as far
    as we can ‘throw’ a drilling platform..

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