As most of you know, when it comes to politicians, I’m an equal opportunity kind of guy. I don’t like any of them, Republican or Democrat. You can take a pile of dog doo doo and wrap it in any kind of cover you want, but inside it’s still crap, and sooner or later (usually sooner) the stench comes out. Politicians are about the same, except I’d rather find a pile of the first than to find one of the latter standing on my doorstep. It’s easier to clean up than what a politician leaves behind.
Let’s face it, no matter what party they belong to, none of them really do anything they promise to when they are campaigning. The day they are sworn into office, they forget all about the voters, and it’s business as usual.
So I got to thinking – we don’t need a Democrat or a Republican as President, nor a conservative or a liberal. What we really need in the Oval Office is a Bubba! That’s right, a redneck!
Think about it – rednecks are about the most honest people you’ll ever meet, because they don’t really give a damn what you think of them. So Bubba won’t glad hand you, and promise you the world just to make you like him. Instead, he’ll look you in the eye and tell you that if you can’t find a job, or your kid’s a loser, or you feel discriminated against because your great great grandfather three times removed was a failed swap meet vendor in Boll Weevil, Arkansas, you need to stand up on your hind legs, put on your big girl panties, and deal with it.
If your barn burns down, Bubba and the boys will come over and help you build a new one, but he doesn’t think it’s his and my responsibility do build it for you, while you sit on the porch and watch.
Rednecks don’t back down when pushed, they stand their ground and push back. Bubba won’t blow smoke up your butt to try to get along, but if you piss him off, he might spit tobacco juice in your eye. I think we need a leader like that right about now.
Bubba believes that if you can’t run with the big dogs, you need to stay on the porch. The Third World leaders who want to dictate our foreign policy to us need to have a sit down with Bubba. Give him fifteen minutes and he’ll teach them a thing or two about respect.
Bubba may invite you to be his guest and break bread with him on Sunday, but don’t walk into his barnyard uninvited, kill one of his chickens, and expect him to cook it for you. Bubba respects private property, and he expects you to respect it too. He won’t trespass on your land, and if you trespass on his, he’ll fill your rear end with rock salt and send you back where you came from.
If we had a House and Senate full of Bubbas, instead of the fools and snakes we have there now, things would get done for a change. Sure, they’ll feud among themselves a bit, and they might grab a couple of jack handles and step out back to settle an argument, but they damn sure won’t talk it to death.
Bubba has a sense of right and wrong. He doesn’t believe that you’re sick if you like touching little kids, or forcing yourself on women, he believes you’re a pervert. And he knows how to deal with perverts. Bubba has a twelve gauge, a noose, and a Buck knife. Which one do you want?
Most rednecks I’ve known are pretty easy going, but they don’t like bullies. So if you want to snatch an old ladies purse, or hijack somebody’s pickup, and hurt them in the process, Bubba thinks you need to do some suffering of your own. No comfortable cells for you, no rehabilitation, and no conjugal visits. Bubba will put your sorry hide on a chain gang busting rocks in the hot sun. He knows it won’t kill you, because he’s worked in the hot sun all of his life, and it made him a better man.
If you’re a drug lord on the border, or a warlord in some flea bitten camel lot, don’t take one of our people hostage or harm a hair on their head, because Bubba won’t send a “peace envoy” to negotiate with you. Instead, Bubba will call a bunch of his kinfolk together, drive his four wheel Ford across your yard, and open up a can of whoop ass that you’ll remember for the few short minutes of life you have left. Bubba understands that dying for whatever you believe in is an honor, and he wants to help you reach your goal a little bit faster.
Yeah, I’ve given it a lot of thought. We all need to vote for Bubba next election!
Tags: Border violence, campaign promises, congressmen, Conservative, Convicted felons, Democrat, disability benefits, drug lord, election day, House and Senate, illegal aliens, Liberal, Oval Office, politicians, President, protect American lives, rednecks, Republican, senators, Third World