If you turn a television on during the daytime, or watch any late night TV, you know how often viewers are bombarded with advertisement after advertisement telling them that if they have used just about any kind of prescription drug, fallen off a ladder, been in an accident, or ever had a hangnail, they can sue somebody for financial compensation.

I guess the federal government’s bureaucrats must be watching too much television, because lately they’ve been on a suing spree. After announcing that the Justice Department was suing the State of Arizona over its tough new immigration law this past summer, they have now gone even further, and now the government is thinking  about suing itself! Huh?

This latest insanity came about this week after U.S. District Judge Virginia Phillips ordered the military to stop its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. In response, the Obama administration is considering filing an appeal of Judge Phillips’ ruling. President Obama wants to see the persecution of gay military members ended, but he wants Congress to repeal the 1993 law that says gays may serve in the military only if they keep secret their sexual orientation.

Okay, Congress wouldn’t get off its collective lazy ass to deal with the problem of illegal aliens, so Arizona took matters into its own hands and enacted its own immigration law. In response, the Justice Department filed a lawsuit to block the law. For years the same Congress hasn’t had the backbone to stand up to the homophobic religious right and end the arcane treatment of gays in the military, so a federal judge finally said enough and issued a ruling to settle the matter, and now the Justice Department is going back into court to overturn the ruling. Do you see a pattern here? What a great way to spend our tax dollars.

Between all of the TV commercials from ambulance chasers, and the news stories about the federal lawsuits, I got to thinking, and I’ve decided that I’m going to sue myself.

I need to lose a lot of weight, and let’s be honest, if I’d get off my rear end and take a walk now and then, or push myself away from the dinner table, or eat veggies instead of junk food, I could do it. But I’d rather sit around on the couch punching buttons on my remote control and watching re-runs of Frasier and Everyone Loves Raymond

I’m a halfway decent writer, and I have a few books out, but I have several more in the works. I just haven’t finished them. I’d rather check in with my friends on Facebook and cruise internet porn sites than sit here and write.

My RV is filthy, and I really need to wash and wax it. But again, I have re-runs to watch and the Internet to surf, and I never get around to it.

I know I could be a healthier, thinner, more successful guy, living in a spanky clean motorhome, and I have only myself to blame because I’m not. So I’m going to do just what the federal government is doing – I’m going to sue myself!

Of course, I can’t afford an attorney because of my financial limitations due to the causes listed above, so I’ll have to both prosecute my case and defend myself. And if I do happen to win, my chances of collecting from myself are pretty slim (see reasons listed above). But what the heck, it needs to be done. 10,000 shyster lawyers and the United States Justice Department can’t be wrong!

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11 Comments on I’m Going To Sue Me

  1. gina says:

    Snort. LOL Your whole rant is surrounded in legal ads.
    Ask mitch.com and divore lawyer and whistleblower lawyers ads.

    Now that is funny!

  2. Nick Russell says:

    I don’t choose the ads, Google puts them there automatically. But it’s a good example of how we cannot escape the constant barrage of “sue somebody” ads. (And you’re right, it IS funny!)

  3. Howdy Bad Nick, BDA

    I loved it… Ask for a couple of million anyway… I read

    Gina’s comment, then looked at the ads…NEARLY FELL OUTA MY

    CHAIR… I thought you’d ordered them special.. then I read

    your answer and laffed my self sillier…

    YOU THE GOODEST, MAN!!!!!!!!!!

  4. D.Dot says:

    A google search for “ridiculous lawsuits” returns 145,000 results.

    For what it’s worth, here is a clip from freedomworks.org on this topic:

    “Unfortunately, the boom in litigation feeds upon itself. The legal profession, which has attracted more than its share of America’s brightest, has turned into an entrepreneurial bonanza for ambitious and clever trial lawyers. Much of their work is based on the redistribution of wealth rather than the creation of wealth. Billions have been made in the courtroom by suing companies. This does not add to the nation’s output or increase GDP, it simply shifts wealth from one group to another—with lawyers taking at least of third of it in the process.”

  5. Tim Lawler says:

    And then after you’ve won you lose because the lawyers have to get their cut.

  6. Mark Pierce says:

    Makes about as much sense as the lawsuit we are currently involved in. We sold our house on a land contract to my wife’s sister and her husband. They paid us off ahead of schedule, and then three years later when they divorced, they in turn sold the house to their daughter and her husband. But while the sister-in-law lived there, they put up a swing set and built a jungle gym for the grandkids.

    Now, almost 10 years after we sold the property, a neighbor’s kid fell off the jungle gym and broke his neck. His parents are suing the current owners (sister-in-law’s daughter and her husband), my sister-in-law and her ex-husband, and US! Their attorney says that since we were holding the deed and carrying the note on the property when the jungle gym was built, we share in the liability! And since we have the deepest pockets, guess who is getting screwed?

  7. Kim Buccine says:

    And remember, Bad Nick, if you DO sue yourself and win, Miss Terry is entitled to half of whatever you win from yourself, under community property laws!!! And you have to pay yourself 1/3 of the money for your attorney fees. And when you lose to yourself, you’ll probably have to pay yourself your opposing attorney fees too in punitive damages. You ought to settle with yourself out of court, you’ll be better off in the long run.

  8. Roger Padget says:

    Okay Bad Nick now I’m going to sue you too!!!!! This is not the first time you made me laugh so hard that I spewed my orange juice all over my laptop at breakfast!!!! I want a new computer, a new breakfast, and a new shirt!!!!!!

  9. Kathe says:

    Roger, what in heaven’s name are you doing eating breakfast at 3:33 pm?

  10. T & R Martin says:

    Kim B. I can’t stop laughing that’s hilarious—uh-oh gotta go potty now. If I trip on the way I can sue you for making me laugh, you can sue Nick for instigating this “sue” subject, Nick can sue the internet and before you know it, we might have Bill Gates picking up the tab (either Gates or perhaps “the inventor of the internet” Al Gore).

  11. Dale says:

    To Mark: Are you suing those crazy people for a frivolous lawsuit? That is your right, and since you indicate that the jungle gym was put up while your sister-in-law lived there, it is definitely frivolous. And as to your name possibly being on the deed – if the gym set was put up right after they moved it, then the delay was due to normal processing delays by the county and beyond your control.

    If not already done, please have your attorneys do so. Turn the tables on them! Let them see what it feels like!

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