I’m sure attorneys serve a useful purpose, but I’m not sure it’s actually legal to throw them under your tires for traction when you’re stuck in a Michigan snow storm, so we’ll probably never know.

Can you imagine what it must be like to be the parent who helped put a kid through college and law school, so he could grow up to be an ambulance chasing leech? I’ve been under the weather the last few days, and spending a lot of time laying on the couch watching daytime TV, and I swear, if I see one more attorney’s commercial telling me that somebody hurt me in some way, and it’s payback time, I just may go stark raving mad!

In Florida, James Poulin has been sitting in the Brevard County Jail since a 2007 DUI accident that killed his female passenger.  He has filed 15 court motions for continuances, delaying his trial time after time. Now he is suing the jail, claiming that he and other inmates are being tortured, because the jail does not get regular television, and prisoners have to watch old movies on DVD instead. Poulin has also sued the jail because he wants the taxpayers to pay for his magazine and newspaper subscriptions. Poulin’s lawyer’s parents must be so proud to have their son defending the “rights” of a slug like this!

Divorce seems to bring out the worst in people, but here’s a new high in lows. A Pennsylvania woman filed for divorce from her husband of 19 years, and among other claims, she wants him to pay her damages for “prolonged and ongoing sexual frustration.” It seems that all during their marriage, she was never able to achieve orgasm with her husband, leaving her “nervous, anxious, and irritable, and unable to hold a full time job.” Now there’s a good use for a college degree if I ever heard of one!There are so many things I can say about this lawsuit, but I think I’ll just leave you to your own thoughts.

Apparently a lack of sexual chemistry wasn’t the problem for a Wisconsin couple, who filed suit against a local TV station because the weatherman predicted a snowstorm last winter, so they canceled their plans to drive 100 miles to visit family members, and stayed home instead. They didn’t get the promised storm, but nine months later they did get a brand new baby girl. Their suit claims that “fear of being caught in a blizzard caused them to remain at home and have unprotected sex, resulting in the unplanned pregnancy.” Again, I’ll leave it to you to comment.

In Ohio, Darryl Alexander is suing the Del Monte Corporation and the Kroger grocery company, because he claims he was injured after using a screwdriver to pry a stubborn lid off a jar of Del Monte mixed fruit. Alexander says the lid popped off, flew in the air, struck him in the eye, and knocked him out. Kroger and Del Monte offered a $150,000 out of court settlement, but Alexander’s lawyer, Mark Miller, says it’s not enough.

Of course, dumb lawsuits are not just an American phenomenon. And, apparently, neither are dumb judgments. Recently a Brazilian court decreed that McDonald’s must pay a former franchise manager $17,500, because over the 12 years he worked for the restaurant chain, he gained 65 pounds. The man said his weight gain was due to sampling food to be sure it met McDonald’s quality standards, coupled with the fact that the company provided free lunches to employees. I wonder if his attorney will get paid off in Egg McMuffins?

Compared to the parents of the sleazy lawyers who take on these cases, I think John Dillinger’s kinfolk had reason to be proud of their boy!

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19 Comments on And Now, Your Honor

  1. Dave B. says:

    It amazes me that people actually believe they are entitled to be paid for these complaints. The average person wouldn’t even think of trying it. But I suppose, if there is a loop hole for some one to get paid, they’ll go for it. To them it’s not about right or wrong. Just what they can get. Isn’t that sad.

  2. Jim says:

    Out of court settlements = easy money.
    If settlements were eliminated or held to a very low limit SOME of the sleaze would go away.

  3. What we need to do is go back to the days when a lawyer filed a case like these someone would set his head straight nobody fights back or retaliates any more

  4. Jon Ensminger says:

    We have to revamp the system in that, if the person or company being sued wins than the losing side pays for all court and legal costs.
    With that in play you would have less suits being filed.
    On second though sometimes the jurors aren’t to smart either.

  5. Connie Braidh says:

    And when the person gets a settlement the lawyer gets how much? 1/4, 1/3, 1/2, more? And who do you think pays for all this?

    If it’s a company, they tack the costs onto their services or product. If it’s a person with insurance, we all pay in increased insurance fees. Never think a company or business pays, they just pass the cost on to everyone.

    Personally I think frivolous law suits should be throw out and the person who sued should pay the court costs. And what are some juries thinking? The woman who put her McDonald’s coffee between her legs, would have been laughed out of court if I had been on the jury. Maybe that’s why I’m not on the jury. I have some common sense.

  6. concerned in texas says:

    Let’s send every lawyer who files a frivolous lawsuit to North Korea.

  7. Speaking of North Korea, please publish a new rant about the absolutely, completely crazy North Koreans and their irresponsible sponsors, the Chinese.

    We hope you two feel better.

  8. Dale says:

    Connie: In most states if a lawsuit is proven frivolous, the plaintiff (person suing) has to pay court costs and often other fees as well.

    As to why so many lawsuits: we have too many lawyers. Used to be an attorney’s word was good, like a verbal contract. After the early 1970’s when attorneys were permitted to advertise, the practice of law started going downhill.

    And Nick, I come from New York, which people say is the most litigious state. However, until we came to Florida we never saw the volume of TV commercials or billboards advertising attorneys telling you to sue someone for something.

    I would like to see all settlements annuitized so that there are no lump sum settlements. This will lower costs to the various companies, industries, etc. and quite possibly end up reducing attorney fees.

    And finally, remember that the cost of attending law suit is so expensive, that the attorneys look to make money any way they can. Time to downsize law school classes and divert those resources to medical and nursing schools so that there will be enough doctors and nurses to handle the growing population in this country.

  9. Denise Gray says:

    I once received a settlement in a class action lawsuit( which I unfortunately did not do the paperwork to opt out of) for 24 cents. The attorneys spent 40 cents to send me the check. I returned it with a note telling them that they were skunks and should be ashamed of themselves! They of course received millions of dollars!

  10. Dave Kunz says:

    Hummmm Maybe the “Hatfields & the McCoys” had the right idea on how to settle a feud ! Or How would John Wayne settled the disputes ?? COMMON SENSE IS DEAD !!!!!!

  11. Butch says:


    One of my favorite John Wayne statements is form “the Green Berets”, over here, due process is a bullet!


  12. Wanderer says:

    While we are looking for someone to blame, many should look in the mirror. Not the lawyers, as low as they are, it is the people who sit on the jury that make the judgement. As long as we the people look at it as though it is just the rich company that is paying out the money and awarding millions the sleazy lawyers will keep chasing those ambulances. Remember that the cost of the judgement is just passed on as increased prices for all of us.

    The biggest expense of many businesses is lawyers of their own and insurance if their lawyer looses.
    Again the cost are passed on to us. Next time you say, “Why doesn’t somebody do something”, remember you are somebody. Get on that jury and stand up for what is right.

  13. Darrell says:

    I just finished reading a wonderful book entitled, “One Hundred Dead Lawyers and Other Pleasant Thoughts”. Great book!!!

    Other than that, here’s another scary thought – most of our elected representatives are lawyers. With thinking like that, no wonder America is in such trouble.

  14. Redbear says:

    In order to serve on a jury, you have to be called. I was registered to vote for 33 years before I got my first call-up, and when called proudly served on the Grand Jury one day a week for the next 3 months.

    But doing one’s duty isn’t always the case. Like the comedian says, “In America, your fate is in the hands of 12 people who are not smart enough to get out of jury duty.”

    The ambulance chasers know this, and use it to scare the insurance companies into paying them off. I once had a car accident caused by the other guy, and the insurance company paid him on a fake injury claim (no one was hurt) instead paying for the cost of fighting it.

  15. T & R Martin says:

    The infamous O.J. case showed us how absurd the law can be when it can be twisted to the extent that let a killer free along with a jury willing to accept the charades. As for the frivolous lawsuits, I agree with Dale that they escalated at the time lawyers were allowed to advertise.

  16. Howdy ‘Bad’ Nick,
    My nephew was ‘run over’ by a WalMart 18-wheeler in the middle
    of a ‘FREEWAY’..AND LIVED!! His lawyer b-i-l tried for 5 years to sue them. After all of that time HE FINALLY GOT HIS HOSPITAL BILLS PAID BY WALMART..THEY WERE ASTRONOMICAL!!!

    I was gonna send ya’ll a get well card, but didn’t have stamp!!

    smooth roads and balmy breezes

  17. Tony says:

    As all of you well know all lawsuits are frivolous except mine.

  18. mike says:

    just one more reason this country has gone to sh#t.
    it is sad.

  19. jerrydean says:

    it would be difficult to stop frivoles Law Suits. Our society is so set up that virtually anyone vcan sue anyone else. In principle this is good but as usualsomeone (Many)will abuse the privelige. There should be a Grand Jury to review cases and throw out the ones which are blatently Frivolus, There still would be abuses but hopefully fewer

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