I’m sure attorneys serve a useful purpose, but I’m not sure it’s actually legal to throw them under your tires for traction when you’re stuck in a Michigan snow storm, so we’ll probably never know.
Can you imagine what it must be like to be the parent who helped put a kid through college and law school, so he could grow up to be an ambulance chasing leech? I’ve been under the weather the last few days, and spending a lot of time laying on the couch watching daytime TV, and I swear, if I see one more attorney’s commercial telling me that somebody hurt me in some way, and it’s payback time, I just may go stark raving mad!
In Florida, James Poulin has been sitting in the Brevard County Jail since a 2007 DUI accident that killed his female passenger. He has filed 15 court motions for continuances, delaying his trial time after time. Now he is suing the jail, claiming that he and other inmates are being tortured, because the jail does not get regular television, and prisoners have to watch old movies on DVD instead. Poulin has also sued the jail because he wants the taxpayers to pay for his magazine and newspaper subscriptions. Poulin’s lawyer’s parents must be so proud to have their son defending the “rights” of a slug like this!
Divorce seems to bring out the worst in people, but here’s a new high in lows. A Pennsylvania woman filed for divorce from her husband of 19 years, and among other claims, she wants him to pay her damages for “prolonged and ongoing sexual frustration.” It seems that all during their marriage, she was never able to achieve orgasm with her husband, leaving her “nervous, anxious, and irritable, and unable to hold a full time job.” Now there’s a good use for a college degree if I ever heard of one!There are so many things I can say about this lawsuit, but I think I’ll just leave you to your own thoughts.
Apparently a lack of sexual chemistry wasn’t the problem for a Wisconsin couple, who filed suit against a local TV station because the weatherman predicted a snowstorm last winter, so they canceled their plans to drive 100 miles to visit family members, and stayed home instead. They didn’t get the promised storm, but nine months later they did get a brand new baby girl. Their suit claims that “fear of being caught in a blizzard caused them to remain at home and have unprotected sex, resulting in the unplanned pregnancy.” Again, I’ll leave it to you to comment.
In Ohio, Darryl Alexander is suing the Del Monte Corporation and the Kroger grocery company, because he claims he was injured after using a screwdriver to pry a stubborn lid off a jar of Del Monte mixed fruit. Alexander says the lid popped off, flew in the air, struck him in the eye, and knocked him out. Kroger and Del Monte offered a $150,000 out of court settlement, but Alexander’s lawyer, Mark Miller, says it’s not enough.
Of course, dumb lawsuits are not just an American phenomenon. And, apparently, neither are dumb judgments. Recently a Brazilian court decreed that McDonald’s must pay a former franchise manager $17,500, because over the 12 years he worked for the restaurant chain, he gained 65 pounds. The man said his weight gain was due to sampling food to be sure it met McDonald’s quality standards, coupled with the fact that the company provided free lunches to employees. I wonder if his attorney will get paid off in Egg McMuffins?
Compared to the parents of the sleazy lawyers who take on these cases, I think John Dillinger’s kinfolk had reason to be proud of their boy!
Tags: ambulance chasers, attorney commercials on TV, attorneys, Brevard County Jail, college degree, college education, divorce, DUI conviction, dumb lawsuits, family law, frivolous lawsuits, law school, lawyers advertising, stupid lawsuits