It’s been a while since I’ve posted a Dumb A$$ Report, but there is never any shortage of material, so here we go with another rousing round of sheer stupidity.

The first dumb a$$ I want to tell you about is a lady I saw in a WalMart in Clermont, Florida a few days ago. A mother had two little kids with her, a boy about age four or five, and a little girl about age 3. The girl was riding in the shopping cart. Not in the child seat space on the top of the cart, but down inside the basket with several pieces of merchandise. Also with them was the children’s grandmother, a woman I estimated to be in her early to mid-50s.

I was across the aisle from them when Grandma suddenly shouted “My wallet’s missing!” and began pawing through several small items on the top shelf of the cart (where the girl should have been riding. “Call store security,” she shouted. “I had over $400 in there and all my credit cards! Don’t just stand there, somebody do something!” A store employee who was helping me rushed over, and the woman demanded she have the store locked down. “I walked away for just one minute, and somebody stole my wallet and all my money,” she yelled. “Don’t stand there like an idiot. Call the police!”

A crowd had begun to form by then, the daughter was telling Grandma to calm down, and suddenly the older woman dug into the items in the lower basket of the cart and pulled out her wallet. “Here it is,” she said, then shook her finger in the little girl’s face. “Don’t touch Grandma’s wallet again. You had me scared to death!” The crowd began to disperse, and I was still waiting for the store clerk to get back to me, when Grandma put the purse back in the upper basket, and then turned away from it to go back to look at whatever she was examining before all hell broke loose! Gee, if I were a thief, I’d be glad that this airhead had just told the world she had money and credit cards in the purse that she just walked away from, again! And pity those poor little kids if any perverts were lurking around, because both their mother and grandmother were halfway down the aisle.

Of course, even the good guys can be dumb a$$es from time to time. Consider the case of two Kansas City cops who responded to a report of shots fired last week. When they arrived upon the scene, the officers said they heard gunshots coming from a white van, and they both returned fire. By the time the smoke had cleared, the cops had shot out the windows in their own patrol car, but missed the van’s driver, who it turned out was unarmed. And then they realized that the “gunshots’ they heard were actually the van backfiring! Somebody needs to go back for some serious remedial training!

Bonnie Usher, from Manchester, New Hampshire, deserves a place in the Dumb A$$ Hall of Fame. Last week, Usher allegedly robbed a Manchester pharmacy, and made her escape in her own car, with a vanity license plate that read “B-USHER.” A witness reported the plate to police, who arrested Usher at her home.

Police in Lewiston, Idaho also didn’t have to go far to arrest an armed robbery suspect. They say that 40 year old Donald Mosley Jr. robbed the Cedars Inn, and then walked next door to the, get this, Alibi Bar, and ordered a drink. He was still there when police came to take him off to jail.

And finally, I really think some people are put on this earth only to serve as an example of poor breeding to the rest of us. James and Shirell Bridger of Wisconsin were arrested for possession of stolen property, when they took a Dodge pickup truck to an auto repair shop to get an estimate to replace a steering column that had been damaged when they stole the truck from the parking lot of the same garage three days earlier!

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11 Comments on Dumb A$$ Report

  1. Ron says:

    Drugs, they are all doing drugs, except maybe the cops. But after reading the news about them, I wonder. They had NO CLEAR TARGET. Maybe they were laying down cover fire for themselves?

  2. Karen says:

    I was in a Wal-Mart one time, when there two small children in the cart portion of the shopping cart. They were climbing all over it trying to climb out, when the whole thing fell over, and both kids slammed to the concrete floor. Mama was so busy shopping she wasn’t paying attention to them. I don’t know if they were hurt, because I couldn’t look, but that mother should have been arrested for negligence.

  3. Joe says:

    Nick, I sure am happy I didn’t read about myself in todays blog.

  4. Have you ever noticed that some women leave thier brains in the car while grocery shopping. Just look at thier eyes nothing there same with some men

  5. Pat and Jim says:

    Thanks Nick, reading stories like these tend to elevate one’s own sense of esteem.

  6. Llana says:

    Some time back, I read that 18,000 American children end up in the E.R. every year with serious injuries after falling out of a shopping cart. Seems to me like that qualifies as “child neglect”.

  7. Bob Martel says:

    Another good source of dumb a$$ stories:

  8. Always enjoy this report. All you gotta do is keep your eyes open and watch your neighbors! And for some, they sure need watching! As you have often suggested, it’s time to put more chlorine in the gene pool!

  9. Dave B. says:

    When I worked at Sears years ago, two guys stole the TV from the automotive waiting room. They would have gotten away but stopped at the gas pumps to fill up their car. The attendant recognized the TV set in the back seat and notified the police. Wouldn’t you want to get away from the area as soon as possible?

  10. Gina Ellis says:

    I suppose it takes all kinds. In my department those two cops would have been relieved of duty (without pay) pending an IA investigation. If the facts were as presented they would have been fired. A well trained peace officer does not discharge his weapon without a clear target/reason for doing so. As to the others in your blog, perhaps when God was passing out brains they thought He said “trains” and missed theirs….

  11. Joe says:

    ”’ I read that 18,000 American children end up in the E.R. every year with serious injuries after falling out of a shopping cart”’

    A good case for putting a ban on shopping!

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