It’s been a while since I’ve posted a Dumb A$$ Report, but there is never any shortage of material, so here we go with another rousing round of sheer stupidity.
The first dumb a$$ I want to tell you about is a lady I saw in a WalMart in Clermont, Florida a few days ago. A mother had two little kids with her, a boy about age four or five, and a little girl about age 3. The girl was riding in the shopping cart. Not in the child seat space on the top of the cart, but down inside the basket with several pieces of merchandise. Also with them was the children’s grandmother, a woman I estimated to be in her early to mid-50s.
I was across the aisle from them when Grandma suddenly shouted “My wallet’s missing!” and began pawing through several small items on the top shelf of the cart (where the girl should have been riding. “Call store security,” she shouted. “I had over $400 in there and all my credit cards! Don’t just stand there, somebody do something!” A store employee who was helping me rushed over, and the woman demanded she have the store locked down. “I walked away for just one minute, and somebody stole my wallet and all my money,” she yelled. “Don’t stand there like an idiot. Call the police!”
A crowd had begun to form by then, the daughter was telling Grandma to calm down, and suddenly the older woman dug into the items in the lower basket of the cart and pulled out her wallet. “Here it is,” she said, then shook her finger in the little girl’s face. “Don’t touch Grandma’s wallet again. You had me scared to death!” The crowd began to disperse, and I was still waiting for the store clerk to get back to me, when Grandma put the purse back in the upper basket, and then turned away from it to go back to look at whatever she was examining before all hell broke loose! Gee, if I were a thief, I’d be glad that this airhead had just told the world she had money and credit cards in the purse that she just walked away from, again! And pity those poor little kids if any perverts were lurking around, because both their mother and grandmother were halfway down the aisle.
Of course, even the good guys can be dumb a$$es from time to time. Consider the case of two Kansas City cops who responded to a report of shots fired last week. When they arrived upon the scene, the officers said they heard gunshots coming from a white van, and they both returned fire. By the time the smoke had cleared, the cops had shot out the windows in their own patrol car, but missed the van’s driver, who it turned out was unarmed. And then they realized that the “gunshots’ they heard were actually the van backfiring! Somebody needs to go back for some serious remedial training!
Bonnie Usher, from Manchester, New Hampshire, deserves a place in the Dumb A$$ Hall of Fame. Last week, Usher allegedly robbed a Manchester pharmacy, and made her escape in her own car, with a vanity license plate that read “B-USHER.” A witness reported the plate to police, who arrested Usher at her home.
Police in Lewiston, Idaho also didn’t have to go far to arrest an armed robbery suspect. They say that 40 year old Donald Mosley Jr. robbed the Cedars Inn, and then walked next door to the, get this, Alibi Bar, and ordered a drink. He was still there when police came to take him off to jail.
And finally, I really think some people are put on this earth only to serve as an example of poor breeding to the rest of us. James and Shirell Bridger of Wisconsin were arrested for possession of stolen property, when they took a Dodge pickup truck to an auto repair shop to get an estimate to replace a steering column that had been damaged when they stole the truck from the parking lot of the same garage three days earlier!
Tags: armed robbery, armed robbery suspect, car theft, credit cards, Dodge pickup truck, dumb criminals, dumb crooks, grand theft auto, gunshots, Kansas City police, Manchester New Hampshire, police officers, store security, vanity license plate, WalMart