Well, Saturday has come and gone, and the world as we know it did not end. Darn it.
I don’t know about you, but I was really kind of hoping that radio preacher Harold Camping’s predictions of Armageddon were going to come true. Not because I believed that I was going to be one of the chosen few who would ascend to Heaven (no way in Hell was that happening!), but because I was really looking forward to those 153 days after all the chosen ones left us.
I mean, I would have already known I wasn’t going to make it, so all the rules were off! It was going to be like being a convict on death row. How many times can you hang me?
Man, I was going to stay up late, sleep half the day away, and not do a darned thing productive for days on end. To hell with the diet! I planned to eat greasy fried foods and sweet deserts, and wash them down with ice cold Pepsi. I would pinch pretty waitresses on the butt, and tell dirty jokes to anybody within earshot.
I had made up my mind to delete all of the good websites off my computer, and spend my final days reading internet porn. I was going to ignore my bills, and blow every cent I had on toys and frivolities. I mean, who cares? It’s all over, and we already know the outcome!
But alas, Preacher Camping and his Bible-thumping zealots were wrong, again! Just like he was back in 1994, when he also predicted the end of the world. Just like every one of these nutcases are who make their outrageous predictions. Remember when the world was going to go all crazy when 1999 drew to a close and the calendar rolled over to 2000?
I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but a guy can hope, can’t he? I sure was looking forward to a lot of fun for a while. But life goes on, and now I won’t be able to….. oh, wait a minute, I’ve been doing all of that stuff I talked about all along anyway! I guess, for me at least, it’s back to business as usual!
Tags: apocalypse, ascend to Heaven, Bible-thumping zealots, church, crackpot religions, end of the world, Family Radio, heathens, ordained minister, outrageous predictions, predictions of Armageddon, radio preacher Harold Camping, radio stations, religious nut, religious zealot, the end of the world, websites