One of the new “in things” that is sweeping across the country is women and teenage girls who are taking back their virginity. I had no idea you could do that, did you?
Well, apparently, it’s true, and it’s not all that hard to do. These days, women are actually having surgery called hymen restoration to restore their virginity. One Florida doctor who specializes in the practice, said he performs the surgery, which typically costs several thousand dollars, about 500 times a year. Now, isn’t that a great example of how our economy works. Guys spend millions of dollars trying to eliminate virginity, while others make millions restoring it!
But becoming a born again virgin doesn’t have to be expensive. For just $29.95, the Hymen Shop will sell you a do it yourself virginity restoration kit! I can’t wait until they start stocking these at Lowes and Home Depot!
Or, you can turn to the Society To Recapture Virginity, which claims it can undo what you’ve previously done with. Sign up today and you get an official certificate attesting to your re-found virginity, an official virgin badge, and the Virginator, a wrist band with a microchip in it that uses biorhythms to make you a virgin again while you sleep. Yeah, I’m not too sure about that one either.
But if you’re on a budget, don’t fret. You don’t have to spend a penny to become a virgin again. As I understand it, basically all somebody has to do is decide that they are a virgin again, and voila, they are! Some do it for religious reasons, some do it so they can give the man they are going to marry the gift of their virginity, some married women become virgins again to give their husbands a surprise anniversary gift, and I suspect some do it just because they can.
One MSN story I read on the topic relates the story of a 23 year old single mother of two who decided seven years after she first did the nasty with her boyfriend that she wanted to be a virgin again. So she prayed about it, and declared herself a virgin once more. Who knew it was that easy? You just say it ain’t so, and it isn’t!
Now, I really don’t care about being a virgin again. Let’s face it, when you look like me, you want to savor every conquest you ever made! But I’d sure like to weigh 150 pounds again, and this diet thing just isn’t working out. So, I’ve decided to take back my thinness. That’s right, from now on, I’m downright skinny! I said so, so it must be true!
And while I’m at it, I’m not short any more. As of today I’m an even six feet tall. I think I’ll take back my hair too! That’s right, I am no longer bald! I can feel my beautiful bride running her fingers through my curly locks right now. Who says I’ll be 59 in October? No way! I take back my youth! From this day forward, I am a virile 23 year old.
That’s right, as of this day, I am a tall, thin, fully haired 23 year old. Now where the hell are those virgins?