If a U.S. Marine farts in the desert, can it be heard in the Halls of Montezuma, or on the shores of Tripoli?
I sure hope not, because the natural act of passing gas has become a politically incorrect hot potato, so to speak. And don’t even ask me to visualize that comment!
A few days ago, an article in the Military Times reported that Marines serving in Afghanistan have been ordered not to audibly pass gas, because it offends the Afghan people.
Yes, you read that last line correctly, farting is now banned! This is not a joke, folks, I’m not pulling your leg. And heaven forbid I pull your finger!
American troops have always been told not to curse or discuss religion, politics, or women in front of their Afghani counterparts, because these could be offensive. I guess I can understand that, but I’ve never know a G.I., sailor, or Marine who could refrain from cussing up a blue streak if sufficiently provoked, and the charms of the female form have always been a favorite topic in foxholes and barracks. Politics? I would never talk politics with men armed with automatic weapons!
(You will notice that I omitted members of the United States Air Force from the above paragraph, that would be because those fine gentlemen are above such locker room humor. I also did not mention American military women, because I am sure those fine young ladies do not have bodily functions that could be deemed offensive by anybody!)
But farting? How can you tell an American male not to exercise his God-given right to flatulence? Why, he’d sooner give up Mom and apple pie! But there it is – Marines must not pass gas in Afghanistan.
They can step over donkey dung, and flop down in a pile of camel flop when the snipers open up on them, but they cannot break wind.
So, let me get this straight; we are sending our troops to a filthy, disgusting place to defend a mostly uneducated populace, whose culture treats women as something less than human and denies them their basic rights; a place where they cannot wear a cross or other personal religious emblem; a place where personal hygiene often extends no further than the nearest bush to squat behind, but they cannot fart! We expect our Marines to die for them, but not to pass gas in their presence.
Yes, we really have sunken this far, my friends.
You just know some guy wearing a clean, starched uniform sitting at a nice desk in an air conditioned office, thousands of miles away from the grunts who are actually doing the fighting, came up with this nonsense! And I bet he has a really, really tight sphincter!
Then again, maybe not. It would have to be pretty loose to accommodate his entire head, don’t you think?
Tags: Afghanistan, American military women, American troops, automatic weapons, Halls of Montezuma, Marines in Afghanistan, Military Times, Muslim culture, passing gas, politically correct, politics, religion, shores of Tripoli, U.S. Marine, United states Air Force