If a U.S. Marine farts in the desert, can it be heard in the Halls of Montezuma, or on the shores of Tripoli?

I sure hope not, because the natural act of passing gas has become a politically incorrect hot potato, so to speak. And don’t even ask me to visualize that comment!

A few days ago, an article in the Military Times reported that Marines serving in Afghanistan have been ordered not to audibly pass gas, because it offends the Afghan people.

Yes, you read that last line correctly, farting is now banned! This is not a joke, folks, I’m not pulling your leg. And heaven forbid I pull your finger!

American troops have always been told not to curse or discuss religion, politics, or women in front of their Afghani counterparts, because these could be offensive. I guess I can understand that, but I’ve never know a G.I., sailor, or Marine who could refrain from cussing up a blue streak if sufficiently provoked, and the charms of the female form have always been a favorite topic in foxholes and barracks. Politics? I would never talk politics with men armed with automatic weapons!

(You will notice that I omitted members of the United States Air Force from the above paragraph, that would be because those fine gentlemen are above such locker room humor. I also did not mention American military women, because I am sure those fine young ladies do not have bodily functions that could be deemed offensive by anybody!)

But farting? How can you tell an American male not to exercise his God-given right to flatulence? Why, he’d sooner give up Mom and apple pie! But there it is – Marines must not pass gas in Afghanistan.

They can step over donkey dung, and flop down in a pile of camel flop when the snipers open up on them, but they cannot break wind.

So, let me get this straight; we are sending our troops to a filthy, disgusting place to defend a mostly uneducated populace, whose culture treats women as something less than human and denies them their basic rights; a place where they cannot wear a cross or other personal religious emblem; a place where personal hygiene often extends no further than the nearest bush to squat behind, but they cannot fart! We expect our Marines to die for them, but not to pass gas in their presence.

Yes, we really have sunken this far, my friends.

You just know some guy wearing a clean, starched uniform sitting at a nice desk in an air conditioned office, thousands of miles away from the grunts who are actually doing the fighting, came up with this nonsense! And I bet he has a really, really tight sphincter!

Then again, maybe not. It would have to be pretty loose to accommodate his entire head, don’t you think?

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32 Comments on Pass The Gas

  1. Joe Carpenter says:

    I can’t beleive it! Who has time to even think this kind of crap up?

  2. Raymond Guerra says:

    I thought the Geneva Convention outlawed the use of gas in warfare right after World War I

  3. Linda says:

    O.M.G. now I HAVE heard it all. Who the hell cares if we offend the Afghans. Isn’t our military fighting THEIR war for them?

  4. Steve Hadlett says:

    Dont now about now but when I was there with the Air Force in the early 70s as an advisor on a radar installation, the Afghans wiped their asses with their left hand and then washed it off in a bowl. They are a brutal people who are not worth our time or money.

  5. concerned in Maine says:

    It is good that we can complain here about being in Afghanistan, but it is better to write your Congressman and Senators. Let’s get the hell out of that God-forsaken hell-hole. Rest assured, 10 years from now it will be the same or worse than it is now. We will have given up thousands of good lives for nothing and trillions of dollars for nothing.

  6. Berni says:

    So I have a question. If they re-instate the draft, If you eat beans and have gas and fart during your exam, would they not take you?
    It’s just a thought. So maybe in order to get our guys home, we need to send over food that will give them all gas and tell them to all fart at once. That should clear out that country what do you think?

  7. Donna says:

    OMG!!! Way to funny and stupid all at the same time!!!!
    Have fun
    Donna

  8. T & R Martin says:

    Loved Berni’s reply. Could it be that during the Vietnam war it was because the VietCong could tell the location of the Americans (because they could detect their body odor) that someone dreamed up that solution? Using Berni’s suggestion if everyone expelled air at the same time & lit a match, that would certainly get attention. It gives new meaning to the “Big Bang Theory.”

  9. wayne says:

    Knowing young military people (I was once there) I will bet that many are eating beans on purpose now … I would …

  10. Arley Running says:

    I saw this article in The Drudge Report a few days ago and thought to myself that the person or persons that dreamed up this rule should be identified by name. Furthermore the entire chain of command who allowed this rule to be put into effect should also be identified by name so they could all be held up to ridicule.

  11. Katie says:

    Obama’s campaign slogan, ” I promise to pass the gas”!

  12. Jim Walter says:

    As a retired veteran of the U.S. Air Force, I’m *^&*%^* offended at you &*^$%$#$^ inference. “Above such locker room humor” my &^*. Seriously Nick, great article. Maybe the edict will make our Marines better fighters… they gotta get angrier the more they have to “hold it in.” Jim

  13. Dennis Maison says:

    And what is in their K-Rations——BEANS

  14. butterbean carpenter says:

    Howdy Nasty Nicky,

    THIS IS AWFUL LY FUNNY, BUT AGAINST ALL SANITY!!!!

    What we need to do is send lotz of beans and chili peppers to

    the troops for Thanksgiving.. Maybe Ms Clinton and the Allah

    will visit and get blown away!!!!

    Smooth roads, clear skies & balmy breezes

  15. john says:

    Nick, I think this new fart rule must have been approved by the congress of baboons that greg white talked about today,,,,

  16. Rich Hill says:

    “Was That You?”

    If the troops are bloated, due to odors noted,
    If the beans are deadly, due to a Mexican medley,
    Then bring them all back, before there’s a counter attack,
    And speaking of gas, these things,too, shall pass

  17. Mike Ellsworth says:

    Nick, Fox news dated Oct 24, 2008 had study: Stinky gas helps regulate blood pressure. Don’t now if still available but thought that might be a good addition to this article.

    My wife did not appreciate this news. Mike.

  18. Jeff says:

    That’s bull…..gas! What’s next?

  19. Rex says:

    As a former GI, USAF, I would send a TSgt from my outfit over there. He was the champion farter of all time. He could blow them all to hell which is where they belong.

  20. Scott says:

    I really don’t understand some of the comments made here. From where I stand, I can certainly understand this. If you don’t understand the idea behind a no [insert offensive to their religion or culture] rule, then there is an implication that you are lumping all Afghans into the same category.

    For example to take the position of commenter @Linda:
    >O.M.G. now I HAVE heard it all. Who the hell cares if we offend the Afghans.
    > Isn’t our military fighting THEIR war for them?

    There are at least two sub groups of Afgani’s, those who are fundamentalist nutbags who want to destroy freedom as we know it, and there are those who mind their own business, and have no intention of pushing their ideals on us or any other nation for that matter.

    I suppose, yes, who cares if we offend the fundie’s, but the others, we should respect their religion and culture. And this is coming from someone who has very little respect for any religion at all with how much it has been infiltrating our political/educational system as of late.

    Let’s not forget, they did not ask us to occupy their country, they have asked us to leave, and the majority of the US population wants out as well. It is mission accomplished with regard to captain evil being dead, so what is our new primary objective? It would be nice to say we are there to help them rebuild, which if we are, we damn well better respect their religious ideals, as we would expect the same of them while on our land. Since I can’t think of a solid reason for us being there, other than to secure our future needs for resources, we must work with them, not against them. If we don’t want to do that, then we should leave.

    Consider how many other countries we occupy, very few of which officially sanction our occupation. Most would rather see us gone. I believe Japan allows and desires our occupation, but others certainly do not. Once we set foot on another countries soil, we never leave. Imagine for a second if any other country were to establish even a small base in the USA? Hell, just opening a embassy here can have enough hoopla to drive someone crazy. We would never tolerate it, it would be an act of war… Libya anyone?

    @”concerned in Maine” has it right, we all need to be writing our government officials and letting them know it is time to leave. Not sure where that will leave all the soldiers in this current economy though. I have a feeing we will continue to occupy as a means of employment, unless we want to see the TSA grow 100 fold overnight.

    Americans should show the same respect for others beliefs that we would expect them to show us. We may think that flatulence is some trivial funny thing, but to them, it may be more serious as a result of what is written in their scriptures. You don’t have to look too far into the Old Testament (or New for that matter) to find rules that would probably make any Afghani think we are equally trivial: No mixing of certain fibers, restrictions on beard styles, women can’t grab, no work on the Sabbath, no gossiping, Mormon diapers, Scientology e-meters, Exorcisms, circumcision, and refusal of blood transfusions, just to name a few, which I am sure, many other religions would find just as amusing.

    * I need a blog, sorry for the length :)

  21. Barbie says:

    Scott…. ever been in the military? Served overseas or been there at all?

  22. Jason Scholls says:

    I served two tours in Afghanistan and just came home a month ago. If the American public knew how much bullshit we have to put up with so as not to “offend” the locals or cause an “incident” and what those people over there think of us, even our counterparts we are supposed to work with, you would all be appalled.

    I have news for you Scott, they ALL hate us and they make no effort to hide it. I have been called names and our country has been called names by the Afghans we worked with and they are constantly referring to the “stupid American people.” To them all American women are whores and all Americans are spoiled lazy worthless creatures that are not good enough to sleep with their camels. And this from the ones who are supposedly on our side!

    Our field officers were all great, but upper level command officers are too busy kissing the Afghans asses so that they won’t get any complaints to worry about anything else. They do not support the line soldier over the locals no matter what the issue is.

    I had planned to make the military my career, but after everything I saw and experienced over there, I’m done.

  23. Bill S. says:

    Barbie: What difference does that make to Scott’s points? He is right on.

    Jason: All the more reason to get out.

  24. Connie Bradih says:

    My husband and father were both in the Air Force. When my husband asked me to marry him he had two conditions: 1. Don’t spoil the cat. 2. He wanted farting privileges. Since we have been married many years now, yes, he got farting privileges. He also can swear. So the Air Force guys think and plan ahead!!!!! Way to go Air Force.

    Frankly I agree all our service personnel in Afghanistan should all fart at one time and wipe out the Afghans. Simple solution to the problem.

  25. Bucky says:

    That rule should apply to our elected government represenatives, not our military. There is more gas being passed by Obimbo and his staff then any of our troops could do.

  26. Jim says:

    Being ex-US Air Force (B52s) I can assure you that Staff Sergeant Hendon was a master flatulence administrator.

  27. Bill Daines says:

    Wow! Now I might consider sending my Doberman over there, she farts all the time. PEW! And I’m sure she’ll send them running too.
    Bill:)

  28. Bill S. says:

    Bucky: Better take another whiff. What you are actually smelling is the BS being spread by war criminal Dick Cheney in his revision of history book scam.

  29. Find an Outlet says:

    Bill Daines: Mine do too. But don’t forget they hate dogs!

    This is just ridiculous.

  30. Ha! I remember reading that same article and thinking … ya right! I did some time in the Army back in the 70’s, and even back when men & women were segregated … all of the above were so! haha Women, of course, delighted in the spectacular male scenery! … “No farting,” must be a new plateau of “Are you serious???” Next they’ll be expecting us not to defecate! lol
    Hooah! (Army)

  31. Bucky says:

    Bill S:
    I think you had better check the smell, have you been lisiting to the latest bull from our so called leaders. Social Security, Obimbo Care, and Illegal Aliens being made citizens. And you
    worry about old history from Dick Cheney ????…..

  32. Allan says:

    The Afgans allowed the terrorists that caused the death and devastation in the USA on 9/11 to train and hide in their country. We went after them in their country to try to put an end to their terrorism. We don’t want to be there, we are trying to put out a wild fire they started. These people don’t use toilet paper, they beat their women, don’t respect womens rights, they do not respect Americans or anything we have done for them and our soldiers are supposed to hold their gas so as not offend them. I don’t think so. Our military has done a good job under adverse conditions. Keep the political correctness out of war and let them do their job or come home.

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