After reading my A House Divided blog last week, and my comments about same sex marriages, a longtime blog reader sent me an e-mail saying that she truly believes that allowing same sex marriages makes a mockery of the institution of marriage.

“My parents were married for 63 years,” she wrote. “My paternal grandparents were together over 50 years before death took them apart. My maternal grandparents had 60 years of a loving, stable marriage. My husband and I celebrated our 35th anniversary this year. Nick, how can you compare those kind of relationships with what gay people call love (but is really just a sick form of lust)? Marriage is a sacred thing between a man and a woman, not a fad or a political tool to win votes.”

What makes a relationship between a man and a woman automatically more “sacred” than that between a same sex couple? While I cannot claim to know any gay couples who have been together as long as the marriages this lady wrote about, I do know two or three gay couples who have been together for many years. They are just as committed to each other as any straight couple I know, and more so than many. 

Now let’s compare television personality Kim Kardashian’s divorce announcement from NBA player Kris Humphries after only 72 days of marriage. Yeah, that’s real sacred isn’t it? It has to be – after all, they’re straight!

We live in a disposable world. We have disposable diapers, disposable plates, and, it seems, disposable marriages. This brings to mind a young couple who came into my weekly newspaper back in Arizona to put in a wedding announcement. I congratulated them on their upcoming nuptials, and told them that I wished them a lifetime of love and happiness. The young lady thanked me, then said “We decided we’d give it a year and see what happens. We figure if it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.”

How can a marriage “work out” if you go into it with that kind of attitude?

I’ve always heard that marriage is a 50-50 proposition, but that’s not true. I believe a successful marriage is a 100 -100 thing. Both parties have to give 100% of themselves to the other and to the relationship. How can something succeed if you only put half of yourself into it?

And that includes gay and straight couples. Anything less is what makes a mockery of marriage.

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33 Comments on A Mockery Of Marriage????

  1. Upriverdavid says:

    Right on again Nick!!! We’ve been married 24yrs…Everyone…everybody is different, some relationships last some don’t….Doesn’t matter gay or straight….Joyce sitting over there agrees…

  2. Susie C. says:

    My uncle and his partner have been together over sixty years. They’ve been together both richer and poorer, through sickness and health, and only death will part them. Their love is no fad, no political statement, and is as real as any straight couple’s, though more dangerous — there are still people out there who would beat those old men to death for loving each other.

  3. Allan says:

    The union of one man and one woman joining together in marriage has been the norm since our country began. I know people that are gay and I can be friends with them but I don’t accept the fact that 2 of them joining together as a legal married couple is normal or acceptable in our nation. I can see the morals in our country sliding but I am not going to close my eyes and say “whatever”. I will stand by what has been established and considered normal for generations. Let it be know that this is not a hateful remark. Often people that raise any objection to the gay agenda are called names like bigots and homophobics. We can greet people in love but not necesarily agree with their lifestyle. I believe it is right to be friendly with people without having to agree with them on everything. I do agree with Nick that marriage takes 100% effort and a real commitment to make it work.

  4. joe says:

    Once gay unions are accepted we will have to endure watching someone marry their pet. We already have people leaving their estate to their pet. When will people wake up and quit trying to please the few that rock the boat?

  5. Connie Bradih says:

    Marriage is between a man and a woman; not three men and two women, not a woman and her dog, not two males or two females, etc.

    We don’t allow polygamy. We don’t allow marriage to a minor without restrictions. We don’t allow cousins to marry. You have to draw the line somewhere.

    If two people or more of what ever sex want to join in a civil union, then fine. Let the government create a category for such a union. There would still be restrictions on who and what. A civil union would be for those who do not want or fit in the traditional marriage category. But I believe MARRIAGE by nature (biology)and by tradition is one adult man and one adult woman.

    Yes, commitment and responsibility are words everyone needs to be more committed to no matter what the relationship is: marriage, work, family, society, etc.

  6. Julee says:

    Thank god there are people like you who will stand up for people who are different. If two people love each other, who are we to deny them! As you say, it is a lot better than people who go into marriage half-heartedly.

  7. Joe Vagott says:

    Well I don’t know. I tell everyone that my wife and I are going to give it(marriage)10 more years to see if it works out. December will be our 55th year.

  8. Julee says:

    Joe-That is awesome, so funny! Congrats!

  9. Arlene says:

    I have a niece who has been with her partner for many years. They recently married. I have never seen her so happy. Why shouldn’t she have the right to that happiness. Who are we to judge?

  10. Berni says:

    No one has a right to tell another who they are allowed to love. I have a friend (who is gay) tell me people always think that being gay is all about the sex. It’s not it’s about love,respect,and commitment. I just know my parents never told me who I was ALLOWED TO LOVE. I will not tell anyone else who they are ALLOWED TO LOVE. If everyone would work harder on there own relationships and stop worrying about what others are doing, maybe our divorce rate wouldn’t be so high in the straight life of marriage.

  11. Denise Gray says:

    I don’t see how two men or two women marrying threaten my marriage at all. Life is too short to not be happy! What business is it of mine what two other, consulting adults do? If two gay people want to marry, let them!

  12. Bess says:

    Right on Connie,
    The purpose of marriage is not only for love and commitment but also for procreation,and is acceptable to God. One can love whom ever they choose and I am fine with that they are allowed to be committed to each other for as long as they live but Marriage can only be between 1 Man & 1 Women.We are supposed to love as Christ Jesus loved and so it is.
    Today morals are forgotten and so is commitment.

  13. Linda Sand says:

    If marriage is for procreation then should the barren be disallowed? And should we be required to divorce at menopause so our husbands can remarry and go on procreating? I’m for everybody loving every one which has nothing to do with sex or procreation.

    That’s what Jesus taught–we should all love one another not judge one another. He refused to judge even the prostitute. Do you really think you have have more right than Him to judge?

  14. Paul Stough says:

    Marriage was important when children were considered valuable to the continuation of our culture, since that is no longer the case, marriage as a legal status is outdated, consequently government at all levels should have gotten out of the marriage business years ago. That is not to say people should not get “married” it is just that the “State” should not be involved.

    Marriage should be just like any other contract between people, with default laws that would kick in if there was no written contract, just like we have for people who die intestate.

    Also, I hear a lot about love in regard to marriage. There is no requirement that you love someone in order to marry them, and with no fault divorces, wedding vows have no legal meaning, and so marriage should have no legal status.


  15. Roger Matthews says:

    So in saying you will stand by what has been established and considered normal for years, Allan, does that mean that 50 years or so ago you would have stood by blacks not having the same rights as white Americans? Beause that was the norm and the way it had been forever. Would you have approved of slavery if you lived back in those days, because that’s just the way it was? It’s the same principle.

  16. Terry Wilson says:

    Long time lurker here, but I have never posted before. I feel compelled to do so now. When my son came out of the closet 17 years ago, I said a lot of horrible things and disowned him and we did not speak for 12 years. In that time, both of my daughters were married and divorced twice, and both are now in dysfunctional live-in relationships. My son has been in the same stable, loving relationhip for all of those 17 years. But it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago and told it would probably kill me that things changed. I underwernt a terrible treatment and recovery with 6 surgeries. During all that I was finally made to see the truth. Both of my daughters were too busy to do more than make an occasional short phone call, and they live in the same town. Jerry and his partner Paul became aware of my problems and took leaves of absence from their jobs and drove 1200 miles to be here to help me. At first I was bitter and didn’t want them here, and I finally relented and said they could stay herer at the house but not sleep in the same room. They agreed to that and both told me that while they felt I was wrong they were here to help me, not to add to the stress. Over time, as I grew stronger, I think maybe I also grew wiser and finally my eyes opened. There were a lot of tears and a lot of healing has taken place, and today I am proud to have my son and his partner in my life, where they should have been all among. One daughter has not talked to me since, claiming that her brother just showed up to see what he would get if I died. A lot of wasted years there Bad Nick. Too many.

  17. Paul Stough says:

    Roger, there is a big difference between marriage and slavery. Marriage was not just a tradition, but was for the purpose of giving children the best chance to become productive citizens of the country, and to carry on our culture.

    Slavery was also a tradition, but was for the purpose of providing cheap labor.

    Marriage was good, and slavery was evil.

    So the two should not be compared as simply traditions.


  18. Ace says:

    Amen to Roger’s comment… People who stand by what is “normal” mindlessly are not living with their eyes open. It also used to be legal and normal for a man to beat the heck out of his spouse and children because they were his posessions, like livestock, and needed a real man to tell them what for. Don’t get me started on the 100+ years it took just for women to be allowed to vote….

    And I laughed at Connie’s comment because, in fact, many states DO allow first cousins to marry, and very few states allow gay people to marry.

    I have seen many shorter-lived marriages in the military than I have seen anywhere else in my life, including relationships I have observe among my gay and lesbian friends. I also find it sad that porn stars can marry one person, have sex with hundreds of other people, and some in our nation are concerned about same-sex couples being together monogamously causing marriage to be a joke!! If anything made a joke out of marriage, it’s the Bachelor and Bachelorette shows. Not same-sex couples.

  19. Ralph Shipley says:

    whats normal? Been my experience in 70 years of living that one mans normal is another mans weird and kinky. Married lady who had those exotice animals that were turned loose in Ohio slept with a monkey. That sound normal to you? Sister is on hubby number 5. That normal to you?

  20. Jodie S. says:

    I believe that if people understood that homosexuality is not a choice, there would be less prejudice. Research shows that people are born that way–they don’t choose it. I was a psychotherapist before I retired. I spoke with many gay people who knew at the age of five or six that they were somehow different, even before they understood about sex.

    Besides, why would anyone choose this lifestyle? People risk being disowned by their families, losing their jobs, even being assaulted and murdered.

    Here’s a funny story about people who think homosexuality is a choice. At a gathering of gays and lesbians, a straight organization handed out brochures entitled “We Can Help You With Your Problem,” with the information to contact someone who could “cure” them of their homosexuality.

    The next day the gay and lesbian group was ready for the straights with their own brochure: “We Can Help You With Your Problem.”

  21. Paul Stough says:

    Who or what you are attracted to may not be a choice, but what you do with those feelings is a choice.


  22. Jo Wishnie says:

    Thanks for your thoughtful blog post Nick. And thanks to commenter Terry Wilson for sharing her story. I feel sorry for the loss of 12 years of a relationship with her son. It is obvious that during those 12 years, he never stopped loving her. He and his partner made great sacrifices to come to his mother’s side during her illness. What a wonderful story with a great outcome. Her daughters, on the other hand, need a brain transplant. Or maybe I should say a heart transplant. At least one of them does. Clearly her brain is faulty, and she has no heart at all.

  23. Well, looks like you stirred the pot again Nick. Good job. I don’t have anything to contribute, but I just had to comment on how touching Terry Wilson’s post was. Her heart was opened for her by her son’s (and his partner’s) compassion and persistence. Good wins the day once again! Yeah.

  24. Robert says:

    I too was touched by Terry’s story. I read it however from the perspective that Terry is a father not a mother. Either way it matters not, it’s a beautiful story just the same. Thank you Terry for sharing. Hopefully your daughter will find the wisdom and heart that you have, and your family will become whole again.

  25. Mark says:

    Nick: your question is “what makes a relationship between a man and a woman automaticacally more ‘sacred’ than that between a same-sex couple?”

    Answer: God. See Genesis 2:24. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

  26. Mark says:

    Sorry about misspelling “automatically”.

  27. Terry Wilson says:

    Thank you for the nice comments. To clarify, I am Jerry’s father. I apologize for any confusion.

  28. Robert says:

    Mark, in this great country you’re entitled to your religious beliefs, opinions, and even your prejudices if you were to have them; and I encourage you to abide by them. Heck, I may or may not even agree with you. But another important tenet of our cherished constitution is the freedom for each of us to believe otherwise if we so choose. You have every right to express and freely discuss your opinion based on your religious beliefs, but it’s important to remember you haven’t the right to impose them on or judge others, lest you be judged.

  29. T & R Martin says:

    Mixing apples & oranges. We tend to mix a person’s behavior with skin color. I believe some gays really are born that way just as some transexuals are born that way. I also believe that some children are indoctrinated into that lifestyle as children or during puberty. That said, there is no reason to mistreat a gay person simply because they are gay. Personally, I never met a gay I did not like. They have been kind to others & tried to fit in, but society has pigeonholed them into a category for society’s sake. Society SHOULD BE concerned how their fellow citizen’s are treating WOMEN & calling it RELIGION. Just watch “Sister Wives” sometime & note that the man feels that “LOVE should be multiplied & not divided” but HE is doing the multiplying & his four wives are doing the dividing!!! As for some religions, how many allow women to have four or more husbands??? Hiding behind a religion is my pet peeve & many wars have been waged (& still are) because the perps are hiding behind a RELIGION. In the end, it is how we think by the majority that affect the minority & laws are made accordingly.

  30. Allan says:

    I knew a woman that said she grew up attacted to other girls and later women and became a lesbian. She said that the gay groups would tell her that they were born that way that it was not a choice. She has since become a hetrosexual, happily married and has children. She said in spite of what some say that it is a choice and that she is not the only one that has reversed their way of life. She also believes that marriage should be between one woman and one man.

  31. bucky says:

    I agree with Allen’s two postings…………………..

  32. Nancy says:

    I just found your blog by way of Glen’s blog at To Simplify. It might be rude to comment without perusing a bit of your archives first, but I can’t seem to help myself. I get frustrated when I hear people debating the “allow gays to marry or not” question.

    Even though I recognize that some people cling vehemently to a religious basis for opposing gay marriage, I have never been able to insert religion into the question. I believe that every person has a right to marry another consenting adult if both are committed to sharing the love and the responsibilities that come with marriage vows. Heterosexual adults are not the only people in this world who should be able to enjoy the legal benefits of marriage, and no amount of debate will ever change my position on this. I never (in a million years) would have expected that this issue is the one that tends to define how I vote in an election.

    I may be a heterosexual grandma from Texas who was married, but more than that, I am a person who knows in my heart that love is a precious commodity, and no one should be denied the right to express their love, legally or otherwise. Marriage isn’t about what religion you practice, it’s about loving one another.

  33. Andy Baird says:

    One reader says, “We are supposed to love as Christ Jesus loved.”

    But Jesus never married and never “procreated.” So if you live your life according to the “What would Jesus do” slogan, you’d never marry or have children.

    It always amazes me how ready some people are to tell everyone else how to run their lives. If two people love each other, I say god bless ’em–we need more love and less hate in this world.

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