I’m very fortunate. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to be a writer, and stringing words together has provided me a pretty good living for most of my adult life. How many people get to make their childhood dreams come true?

But what does a kid know? Lately I’ve been rethinking my career choice, and wondering if I made the wrong decision so long ago

Please don’t get me wrong, I love my job! How many people get paid to travel around the country on a perpetual vacation?

But I’m really thinking about a career in politics. My mother always dreamed that her youngest son would become President some day, but the Clinton years convinced me that I don’t have the sexual drive for that job. To quote Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry, a good man knows his limitations. So I’ve set my sights lower; I’m thinking of running for Congress.

It’s a darned good gig! Rank-and-file members of the House and Senate get a salary of $174,000 per year, while Minority and Majority Leaders pull in $193,400. If I could work my way up to Speaker of the House, I’d earn $223,500.

But it doesn’t stop there – members of Congress also get an annual cost-of-living-adjustment (COLA), and they are eligible for Federal retirement plans that can pay them up to 80% of their final salary. They are also eligible for Social Security. Now throw in generous health care benefits and an annual expense account that averages $1,353,205.

Not too shabby for a job where you have nobody to answer to, you can play hooky whenever you want to, and people stand in line to “encourage” you to support their agendas. A job where you can ignore the needs and demands of the people who hired you while you can make backroom deals with your cronies in exchange for your vote. A job where the people who hired you still pay you every few years while you take time off from your duties long enough to lie to them and make any false promise it takes to convince them to keep you on the payroll.

If the recent bullshit that has gone on in Washington isn’t enough to convince this country that it’s time to take back the reins of government, I don’t know what will. We need to fire the whole bunch, on both sides of the aisle, and start over. And if we do, I’m available to fill one of those empty seats, Democrat or Republican. I can be just as shallow and self-serving as the next guy. Could Bad Nick be any worse than what we’ve got now?

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30 Comments on I Want A Job Like That!

  1. Karen says:

    Hell, where do I apply? I could do just as good a job as the ones we have now, maybe even better. And I really need the health insurance.

  2. Chris says:

    Yes and while we as small business owners get to pay more taxes this year, our President spent another $4 million of the taxpayers money to return to his Hawaiian vacation today!
    I agree, clean house and start over!

  3. Kerry Wilson says:

    We all need to share this on our Facebook and Twitter feeds. Too funny! And also, too true, unfortunately.

  4. J.C. Webber III says:

    We need to eliminate the gerrymandering of districts, done by both parties, which guarantees them re-election even when they are bad at their jobs. Eliminate gerrymandering and you force members of Congress to work for their jobs. I recommend that congressional districts be tied to county boundaries, by law.

  5. Barry Crocker says:

    Yup!

  6. Rex says:

    It is time to fire all of them in both houses of Congress and in all parties. We The People, must demand term limits for every elected job in the country; as well as age limits for all appointed judges or a max time on the Federal bench of 20 years regardless of their age.

    The current members of Congress and the Administration act like a bunch of spoiled brats that need and deserve a good spanking.

    While the GOP is catching a lot of flak over their position, have you noticed that the current dictator (Obama) is already saying he won’t negotiate over the debt ceiling debate in February? We must throw all the bums out. Remember, never ever vote for an incumbent.

  7. Mark says:

    This is a sickening situation that we find ourselves in. Term limits and a major compensation adjustment are in order to say the least. Unfortunatly the body that wrights these rules are the very ones that we want to depose. It would take a very large body of American patriots to simultaniously step forward and convince voters just to elect them.
    This country needs a name change. Something that starts with the word Ununited.

  8. And those jobs you aspire to pay you that amount every year for life! Now that’s a retirement plan I could live with. It is tough tho, living with these bonehead republicants that we voted into office.

  9. Kent Roberts says:

    Nick,
    I think you forgot to include in your salary package all the gifts and kickbacks Congress gets from the lobby ogranizations.

  10. betty-shea says:

    A wise man once said”democrats or republicans – they are the two wings on the same bird of prey.”

  11. Darrell says:

    I agree, clean house from top down. But why start over? Just give Washington, D. C. to Disney, then we could get a good ride for our money.

  12. Steve says:

    We don’t vote for Congress. We vote for “our” representatives who convince us they are great. It’s the others in Congress who are the problem.
    While Congressional approval is around 10% overall, more than 40% of voters like “their” individual representatives and would re-elect them.
    I support the idea of term limits. I don’t see that happening. These clowns have a good thing going, and they want to keep it.

  13. Rob Fox says:

    I was up very early this morning and was excited to see that Bad Nick had been busy. I laughed at along with the article but I’m not American and this is not my country. I’m just lucky enough to be able to visit for a while. On the whole, you have a beautiful land and I’ve met some fine people. If I were American I think that I would want to have pride in the nation.

    There are clearly big problems; social, political and economic. I’ve spent the whole morning trying to come up with a form of words that won’t offend or insult my host nation. Maybe I could sum up my thoughts by suggesting that America has a totally un-representative government. Yes, you vote for them but the choices you are offered are limited by more powerful interest.

    Money, power and corruption are at the heart of the nations problems.

    As they say, “the first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem” http://youtu.be/16K6m3Ua2nw

    Good luck my American friends, the free world looks for your leadership.

  14. Steve says:

    Chris above,
    $4M to return to Hawaii? Your credibility is questionable.

  15. Sal B. says:

    I agree with it all and I will go for the next seat Please . They
    are all boneheads and to old to think anymore , it’s time for a change before it’s to late . It’s good to have Bad Nick back thank You and have a Great Day “God Bless”

  16. tim whittle says:

    What you need here is a third party like we have in Canada. Takes away the bi-partisan aspect of government. Deal making is muchmore interesting. Makes people negotiate.

  17. Linda Sand says:

    “Could Bad Nick be any worse than what we’ve got now?” That’s how we Minnesotans elected Jesse Ventura governor of our state.

  18. Brian Preece says:

    Now would be a good time to get some recall petitions started. If every state made a showing on recalling their representatives before the debt ceiling vote, maybe these jerks would get the message.

  19. Paul Stough says:

    When I read posts like this, the first thing that comes to mind is the famous saying of Pogo; “We have seen the enemy, and he is us!”

    I have also seen posts like this in recent days on Facebook, and like the ones on Facebook, I can appreciate the sentiment, but posts like this are not entirely accurate.

    Every member of Congress was elected by a majority of voters who voted in the election, and every member of Congress was a new member at one time. So are people saying they voted for the wrong person? And as far as members of Congress getting along to do the business of the nation, how can we expect that to happen when the majority of people who elected Republican members, have little or nothing in common with the majority of people who elected Democrats?

    To the poster who called President Obama a dictator, what do you think you have in common with the people who elected President Obama? Do you think that you and others who think like you could sit down with supporters of the President and solve the issues of the day? I dont either! The reason our Congress is so divided, is because the people who elected them are so divided.

    If you are a person who supported a Republican candidate who took the Grover Norquist pledge to never raise taxes, and another person supported President Obama who ran on, and was elected by saying he wanted to raise taxes on the top 1% in the country, where is the common ground? You are right, there is none, so why would anyone expect our elected representatives to find common ground.

    Again, we have seen the enemy, and he is us!

    Paul

  20. Bill Daines says:

    I told you quite some time ago that I’d vote for you Nick, still will.
    Politics plainly is dirty. No way to wash the dirt off. Yes, we can vote them out of office. Just like in the old western movies, “ya got til sundown to get out a town”

    I’ve always said, if a business had bad employees they’d get fired. Well, its about time Washington be considered a business and we be the employer and fire em all!!

    It’s our fault, plain as day, because it take money to be elected and we talk about all the problems day after day but we sit on our dead ass!

    My solution, term limits, just like the Pres! Go and serve two terms, no lifetime benefits. Lastly probation for 6 months, if we don’t like your work, I say your fired and don’t let the door hit you in your ass leaving!!

    Bill :)

  21. Dennis Maison says:

    A few elections ago term limitations were put on the ballot for many states. Every state that had it on their ballots, the incumbents were re-elected.

  22. Don Peterson says:

    I’d settle for just being able to determine my own annual salary and benefits…

  23. Rick says:

    I always enjoy Bad Nick but this one is the very best. Keep it up Nick! Everyone needs to read this one.

  24. Rex says:

    Paul,
    I am probably one of the 47% that Romney mentioned. I am on Social Security Disability, thus I live on the dole; I don’t look at it like that but a lot GOP members might.
    If you watch Obama’s actions you will see why I call him a dictator. He does not ask Congress for anything, he tells them what he wants and when and the Congress delivers or did when the Democrats held both Houses of Congress. And now rather than ASKING what we can do to help eliminate the problems we have he STATES that he will NOT negotiate on the upcoming debt ceiling issue. If that is not a dictator in the making I don’t know what is. Obama acts so much like a young Adolph Hitler it makes me nervous.

  25. Paul Stough says:

    Rex,
    For months the Republicans have stated they want leadership from the President. Now that they are getting it, they dont like it. The President is not a dictator, but is using the political power he has to achieve what he wants. If the Republicans shut down the government by not raising the debt ceiling, they will take the blame for it, mostly because raising the debt ceiling is basically saying we are going to pay the bills for the money the Congress has already allocated, and most of the American people recognize the debt ceiling has to be raised, but are using it to try and assert the political power they think believe they have. We will see how it turns out.

    Oh by the way, who are the President’s Brownshirts, and who is his Josef Goebbels? If there are any Josef Goebbels in this country, they are Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, an Glen Beck.

    Paul

    Paul

  26. Jerry Stearns says:

    Your are right again Nick. You are a true “wordsmith”.
    The government IS broken and has to be replaced. Did you know
    the original, true dejure government has been re-enacted and is
    growing fast? It will replace the defacto corporation when the
    dollar failure causes the defacto to fall. Check it out at:
    Republic for the United States of America.org.

    Jerry

  27. Robert says:

    To me, using the debt ceiling as a bargaining chip for political advantage at the detriment to the faith in and credit rating of the United States is essentially an act of terror and Obama would be well within his authority to raise it without Congressional approval. Paul Stough, you are well informed. Thanks for your input.

  28. Rex says:

    Limbaugh, like Akin and Murdock, Beck and Hannity are complete idiots in my opinion. But why is it that when someone takes issue against Obama his supporters go ballistic? I have absolutely no respect for Obama. He dictates to Congress; he does not suggest alternatives or offer suggestions he tells Congress what he wants and when he wants it and the Senate falls all over itself trying to give it to him. If the GOP in the House did not say no to him or block legislation we would be in worse shape than we are. Obama’s brown shirts are are all the tax evaders in his administration.

  29. BoB says:

    Negotiate in Canada…guess they have another one fooled. Fewwee! Check out Chief Spence..She is standing for all canadians…that oil is gonna kill canadians!(David Suzuki)

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