A woman in Florida made the national news last week when she reported that she had found a message from God on a Pepperidge Farm Goldfish cracker. Apparently the cracker had two odd imperfections; a cross with a circle around it on the side, and a spot that she claims is a golden crown near the head of the fish.

Who knew God had an inside track with Pepperidge Farms to arrange such a thing? The last I heard, he was setting fire to bushes. But I guess this is just further proof that people today are too lazy. Why go on a hike and deal with snakes and bugs and bushes when you can sit on the couch and eat junk food?

Am I the only one who misses the good old days when God sent us messages with his image on tortillas and toast?

I’m thinking that in this day of cell phones, instant messaging, texting, tweeting, Facebook, and all that, God must have better ways to communicate than through junk food. But maybe that’s just because I’m insecure, and since I eat a lot of junk food and haven’t received any memos from him, I feel left out.

The woman in Florida who found the message reports that she eats between two and three pounds of Goldfish snack crackers every week and that she examines each one individually before eating it. Maybe the message is you have too much time on your hands, or you’re eating too damn many Goldfish. Buy a bag of Ruffles!

I saw a picture of the Goldfish in question and it was nothing like the messages I see when I eat alphabet soup. The blotch on the head she calls a crown looks like a, well, a blotch. What she calls a cross actually looks like an x to me. Almost like the head of a Phillips screw. Maybe it’s actually a message from Mackenzie Phillips. The only message I got from it was that if you eat too many Goldfish you might have weird delusions.

But then again, I could be wrong. Christians do have those little fish symbols on their cars, so there may be something to this after all.

Here’s an idea. If you’re looking for a message from God, don’t bother sorting through all the junk food in your house. Go chat with him in His house instead. I’m sure he’d appreciate the visit.

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11 Comments on A Message From God

  1. joe says:

    Poor Nickie, he feels so left out. Maybe you should start looking closer at your snacks?

  2. Ed Sherman says:

    I’m always amazed at these dingbats who see Jesus in everything from french frys to pancakes. I had a neighbor once who found a leaf that she claimed looked like Jesus. She got mad because no one else could see it. Even stopped going to church when her pastor told her it as just a leaf.

  3. Toni Sanders says:

    Where do these people come from? If all this airhead has to do with her time is eat 2-3 pounds of snacks a week and examine each one individually before she eats it she doesn’t need God, she needs a shrink!

  4. Sharon Ortloff says:

    Do you think she is a lot bigger than you? I do.

  5. Thanks for the great column. Made me laugh out loud. Probably because it’s so very true.

  6. Norma says:

    Love the last paragraph in your blog, Nick. I’m sure He’d appreciate more visits from his people!

  7. Chris says:

    Another nut case hits the news! Thanks for the laugh, Nick

  8. Oh my, I had some of the same thoughts when I first saw the story. How many Goldfish in a pound? Thanks for the laugh this morning.

  9. Roy Gilpin says:

    All I can say is God must love idiots. He sure makes a lot of them!

  10. Nick, you remind me of a classmate of mine in my undergrad years in Toronto. He wrote a short story in which he hypothesized that God might be a cat.
    The head of the dept. called me in to complain about my friend. In the end, I found out why the professor was so mad: He had some 20 cats at home!
    He took the whole thing as an offense to cats! Go figure! You never know HOW you offend people!
    Cheers, David A. Cuban

  11. Allan says:

    Real Christians don’t worship graven images. We do use pictures, symbols, etc. that might be seen in churches and even on cars [fish symbol refering to “being fishers of men”] to remind us of God. Those pictures and symbols often portray events from the Bible There are so many things in the world that remind us of God. I love traveling across the US and Canada in my rv and am amamazed at all his creation. There is nothing wrong with people being reminded of God when they see something, but to hold up a cracker, a piece of toast etc. as sacred, a miracle or something to worship is not scripturally correct.

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